A Mediocre Time with Tom and Dan
BONUS: LTN 48 - The Dinner Divorce
Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "The Dinner Divorce" (LTN48) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: intro debate. The hosts argue over whether they need to introduce themselves at the top of every show. Tom calls it pointless since listeners already know who they are. They float making a new intro with names in it for year two, to mark the show's anniversary. What's a food divorce? Colette talks about her recent news appearance on "food divorce," which is when couples eat separately and each person handles their own meals. She puts it alongside other trends like sleep divorce. Dan asks why those couples even live together. The Dennis family dinner. Dan says he and Andrea sit down to dinner together every night, while Maisie often eats at dance. He calls the ritual almost as important as sex because it's when Andrea opens up, including her project manager work gossip. He also covers meal kits like Home Chef and Blue Apron and his weekly meal prep for Maisie. Colette on connection rituals. Colette explains that shared meals are one of the few unstructured connection rituals couples have left. People who grew up eating as a family tend to keep doing it. She shares how she ate alone in her room as a teenager after her parents divorced, making prank conference calls. Tom at the head of the table. Tom's family eats together too, and he likes sitting at the head of the table. He jokes that nobody should introduce themselves there either. He complains that his kids share nothing, eat slowly, and ignore his celebrity stories (he recently talked to the actor who played Puddy on Seinfeld). Colette suggests word games to liven things up, and Tom says his car-ride games haven't gone well. Dan's date nights. Dan says he's recently enjoyed date nights at a local tavern known for crispy pizza, where he mostly just listens to Andrea talk. Quiet Kobe. Tom's wife took their youngest son Max to Hamilton at Dr. Phillips, so Tom took his oldest son Tommy to Kobe Japanese Steakhouse. The two barely talked all night, then Tommy turned on the TV as soon as they got home. Lots of jokes about the oil, the "double white" rice, and the aftermath. Tom also recalls quiet car rides with the men in his family, including a story that started with "one time I killed a man." Companionable silence. Colette reframes the Kobe night: small talk isn't necessarily more connecting than silence, and parents shouldn't feel guilty about quiet moments. Dan and Andrea both thought the outing was great. Dan mentions upcoming one-on-one time with Maisie while Andrea travels for work. In defense of food divorce. Colette says her household basically has a food divorce because of schedules. She wants quiet after a day of doing therapy, and she and her husband still share meals a few times a week. She also points to GLP-1 use and the mental load of meal planning, often carried by women. Her takeaway: do what works, but make time to be present. "What's for dinner?" prank. A host describes his favorite prank: asking his wife what's for dinner at her most stressed moment. It works every time. Email: friend in a scam. "Baltimore Beef Stew" writes about a friend putting $50,000 into an MLM-style unclaimed property scheme despite being warned. Colette says he's already said his piece. Adults have to make their own choices, and he can set limits on what he'll do if it goes badly. Florida Treasure Hunt. The hosts explain that Florida's unclaimed property site, fltreasurehunt.gov, is a real government website even though the name sounds like a scam. They guess the scheme is built around middlemen charging people for money they could claim themselves. When it's your money too. Colette says it's different when a bad decision will land on you financially, like an elderly parent you'd have to support. She shares that she once voiced doubts when her late mother gave money to a questionable religious organization, then let it go. Ask before advising. Tom admits he's a blunt truth teller with the people he loves. His example is laughing off the Grizz's AI-assisted spy novel, and his wife says he comes off like a jerk. Colette's fix is to ask whether someone wants your opinion first. She notes that offhand comments can stick with people for years, and that it's okay to say you're not ready to hear someone's take. Tom's coward approach. Tom says he nods, checks his watch, and then says "that's not going to work" after the person leaves. Also a riff on a past helicopter pilot dream. You don't have a crystal ball. A host says he often stays quiet and then watches things play out just as he predicted. Colette counters that she has seen couples she privately doubted turn things around. She says it's unethical for therapists to tell clients whether to end a relationship, and references Dolly Parton hearing her plans wouldn't work. Joke about the Nigerian prince actually showing up. Email: wife in a hard season. A longtime listener says his 47-year-old wife is moody and down on herself, their kids are about to leave home, one child is struggling, and she has open heart surgery coming up. His compliments aren't landing. Colette says it could be any mix of perimenopause, health stress, empty nest, or feelings about the marriage. She recommends a conversation, possibly a few therapy sessions, and simply being present instead of trying to fix it. Name your own experience. Tom riffs on everything a husband should never say. Colette advises using "I" statements, like saying you feel helpless and worried, instead of telling the other person what's wrong with them. Empathy between genders. Tom says he's glad he never has to go through "the change." Colette lists what women deal with, and Tom agrees men have it pretty easy. Colette warns against letting online anger, tied to a recent news story, turn into hating all men. Perimenopause 101. Colette explains that perimenopause can start in the 30s (a chat room listener said hers began at 39) and that 51 is the average age of menopause. Technically, menopause is a single day, one year after the last period. She shares that she's had few symptoms, and that a past uterine ablation makes it hard to tell where she is. Next week teaser and close. Colette teases a story about a possible perimenopausal outburst that "traumatized" her husband. Chat room member Ryan coined "Quiet Kobe," and Colette jokes her book's paperback will be called The Cost of Kobe. Plugs and sign-off. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Recently: Colette appeared on the news talking about food divorce. Recently: Tom's wife and Max saw Hamilton at Dr. Phillips Center through her season subscription. Year two: The show is celebrating its anniversary, which prompted the new intro idea. Upcoming: Andrea's work trip to Austin, Texas, which means one-on-one time for Dan and Maisie. Upcoming holiday (Presidents' Day, per Dan): Dan has a day off to plan an outing with Maisie. Next week: Colette's perimenopause outburst story. Ongoing: Insights from the Couch, the hosts' other podcast. Ongoing: Send emails to hello@lovethyneighborshow.com. Ongoing: fltreasurehunt.gov, Florida's official unclaimed property search. Notable Guests/Callers Baltimore Beef Stew: Listener email (made-up name) about a friend caught in an unclaimed property MLM scheme. Anonymous longtime listener: Email from a husband whose 47-year-old wife is going through a difficult stretch. Ryan (chat room): Coined "Quiet Kobe" / "The Cost of Kobe." Chat room listener: Said her perimenopause started at 39. The Grizz (mentioned, not on air): Friend whose spy novel Tom dismissed.
