Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast
Ep. 104: Narcissistic abuse recovery - 6 things you tell yourself and what your brain is doing
I'm so grateful to welcome Mark Thomas Beare back for part two. A survivor of narcissistic abuse, Mark turned his own collapse into Mirrored Psychic Inversion Theory (MPIT), built on the work of Professor Sam Vaknin . Today, we unpack 6 things survivors often say to themselves after narcissistic abuse, and what's actually happening in your mind and body beneath each one. I've said every one of these to myself, many, many times. "I don't know what's real anymore." "When they stopped looking at me, I stopped existing." "I keep hearing their voice in my head." "What if I was the narcissist?" "If I just love them enough, I'll get it back." "I can't trust myself anymore." We talk about identity, internalized voices, self-doubt, dissociation, the feeling of watching yourself from the outside, and ultimately, how we find our way back to ourselves. This isn't about the narcissist. This is about us. Mark walks through every phrase without shame and without blame. If you're in the thick of it right now, please know this: what you're feeling is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. As Mark says, sometimes you just have to "hold on to the wreckage until the sea calms down." What we cover: Why "I don't know what's real anymore" happens, and how narcissistic abuse damages your reality filter The ASR Complex (ASR1, ASR2, and ASR3) and the "organizing gate" where your mind decides what's real Why healing isn't linear, and why collapse can feel like it's getting worse before it gets better Becoming the "detective" after discard, and why all that searching is necessary, not shameful The gaze: co-idealization, feeling "chosen," and why losing their attention feels like losing yourself Hoovering and what it looks like when a narcissist tries to "reacquire" you Introjects, or why their voice keeps playing in your head long after they're gone The question that crucifies so many survivors: "What if I was the narcissist?" The Redeemer in us, and the belief that if we just love them enough, they'll come back Epistemic injury, and how to rebuild trust in yourself again Becoming the custodian of your own organizing gate Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome back, Mark Thomas Beare 02:33 Phrase 1: "I don't know what's real anymore" 11:25 Why healing isn't a straight line 17:56 Becoming the "detective" 20:48 "Hold on to the wreckage until the sea calms down" 20:56 Phrase 2: "When they stopped looking at me, I stopped existing" 32:23 Shame-based healing isn't healing 37:34 The gaze, hoovering, and being "reacquired" 43:20 Phrase 3: "I keep hearing their voice in my head" 1:01:02 Phrase 4: "What if I was the narcissist?" 1:19:22 Phrase 5: "If I just love them enough, I'll get it back" 1:27:19 Phrase 6: "I can't trust myself anymore" 1:41:24 Recap: becoming the custodian of your organizing gate 1:43:00 Closing thoughts and what's next in this series MARK'S BOOKS The two books I keep in my bag every day. They've been life-changing in my own recovery, and this conversation only scratches the surface of what's inside them. Narcissistic Redeemer: Bringing You Back from Collapse The Organising Gate: The ASR Complex and the Reconstruction of Reality After Narcissistic Abuse NEW TO MARK'S WORK? Start with part one in ep. 96, "You're not going insane: mapping the collapse after narcissistic abuse w/Mark Thomas Beare" FOLLOW MARK THOMAS BEARE YouTube Instagram Facebook SPONSOR This episode is sponsored by DIVINI, a honey-based sparkling kombucha tea . Use code Breanne10 at checkout for a discount. FOLLOW ADVENTURES IN ADVERSITY Instagram Facebook #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #healing #trauma #mentalhealth #resilience #MPIT #SamVaknin #recovery #mirroredpsychicinversiontheory
