Ambitious Dads
Shame, Grief & Growth: Jeff Hittner's Divorce Story
For the first time on the Ambitious Dads Podcast, Jeff Hittner hands over the microphone. Eighteen months after his marriage ended, Jeff asks his friend, Ambitious Dads' very first guest Robert Mulhall, to interview him about a part of his life he hasn't spoken about publicly until now. It's a conversation about what came after his lifelong vision of family was altered: the fear of what separation might do to his boys, the loss of the family he thought he was building, learning to co-parent after no longer being partners, and figuring out who he is during the weeks his children aren't with him. Jeff opens up about the shame he still carries around divorce, the support system he deliberately built when his ex-wife moved out, the surprising joys of parenting his boys alone, and why 18 months later he doesn't think separation simply "gets easier." It evolves. KEY TAKEAWAYS [02:00] The two things Jeff felt he was losing weren't only his marriage: they were his identity and the vision he'd carried his entire life of what his family would look like. [05:30] How Jeff and his ex-wife prepared their young boys for the separation, including therapy, a carefully planned conversation, two nearby homes, and an intentional transition into 50/50 parenting. [11:00] Putting the kids first sometimes meant slowing his own healing and asking one question before communicating with his ex: What actually needs to be said for the sake of our children? [14:00] A monthly two-hour beach walk became an unexpectedly powerful co-parenting practice for handling the conversations they still disagree about. [18:00] The hardest day of the week is still the day Jeff hands his boys over, and the empty apartment afterward has forced him to confront who he is when he isn't actively parenting. [24:00] The shame underneath divorce: not simply "my marriage ended," but the much harder fear, "Did I fail my children?" [30:00] How seemingly small language choices can keep children from feeling responsible for a parent's sadness or guilty for missing the other parent. [34:00] The unexpected gift of solo parenting: clearer priorities, deeper confidence as a dad, and stretches of completely undivided time with his boys. [37:00] Why being committed to a healthy co-parenting relationship doesn't mean abandoning boundaries that protect your own healing. [39:00] Jeff's advice to parents in the thick of separation: deliberately build a support system, stop grading your healing week by week, and don't force yourself to solve what life will look like years from now. [44:00] Sometimes crying doesn't mean you're going backward. Sometimes you're simply sad, and sadness needs somewhere to leave the body. Listen to the full episode for an honest conversation about separation, co-parenting, identity, grief, and building a different kind of family without giving up on being the father you want to be. RESOURCES Sign Up for the Ambitious Dads Newsletter: https://www.ambitiousdads.com Connect with Jeff Hittner: https://jeffhittner.com Subscribe on: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ambitious-dads/id1815863328 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4xCHG30Ms9wcGRJmDqHcW8?si=46654ba2a0654099 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmbitiousDads
