Episode #50
Coming Home to Ourselves: Because You Matter — A Conversation with Shelley Brunskill-Matson
In this deeply moving episode, Ivan speaks with Shelley Brunskill-Matson about grief, suicide loss, purpose and our fundamental human need to know that we matter. Shelley was only 12 years old when her father, Tony, died by suicide. Decades later, that experience became part of a much larger mission: helping children, young people and families affected by suicide loss receive the care and support they genuinely need. Shelley shares what she learned through her PhD research with bereaved tamariki aged six to thirteen. Her central finding was powerful: children experience care as truly supportive when it reinforces that they matter. They need to be seen, heard, offered choices and recognised as active participants in their own grief—not simply have adults decide what is best for them. She also discusses the creation of Tony’s Place, its guardianship of the WAVES suicide-bereavement programme, and the development of MySpace, a new programme designed specifically for bereaved children. The conversation then opens into Shelley’s own new chapter following burnout and the sudden deaths of two close friends. She reflects on trusting herself, refusing to fit inside one box and finding the courage to pursue the work that has quietly been calling her. Ultimately, this is a conversation about turning grief into purpose, listening without assuming, and recognising how much it means when another person makes us feel truly seen and heard. Because whether we are six, thirty-six or eighty-six, we all need to know that we matter. Content note: This episode contains conversations about suicide loss and grief.
