Episode #332
How to Say No (It's Not a Boundaries Problem)
Warren Buffett said the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. As a reformed people pleaser, I understand exactly why that is so hard. For years I said yes out of a sense of duty. If I was physically unavailable, no was easy. If I simply didn't want to do something, it was almost impossible. I was busy, but not with anything true to my heart. It took the lowest point of our fertility journey for me to notice that I no longer knew what I actually wanted. In this episode, I explain why I don't think this is a boundaries problem at all. It is a self-worth problem. I was trying to prove I was a good man, and I was terrified of being judged as lazy or selfish. When you know you have nothing to prove, no becomes possible. I share the story of saying yes to playing Joseph in a modern nativity, one of the first times in my life I said yes because I genuinely wanted to, and how that decision became an unexpected and deeply moving part of our own healing. I also talk about a recent commitment I pulled out of while exhausted, and how I have come to think about integrity, duty and being a man of my word. You don't need an excuse. "I don't think that's for me to do" is enough. And when you honour your own truth, you give other people permission to honour theirs.
