Divorce with Carolyn

Divorce with Carolyn is real talk for women about the hard parts of divorce and the beautiful life waiting on the other side. I've been through two divorces, spent years coaching women inside Women's Divorce Academy, and I'm here to be the divorce bestie you didn't know you needed — straight with you, cheering you on, and always bringing you back to what matters.

Divorce with Carolyn is a education podcast hosted by Carolyn Tate, with 30 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80.

Carolyn Tate hosts Divorce with Carolyn, a education show with 30 episodes published.

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  Episode #31

  The TRUST Method: your clear path through divorce

  Sep 28, 202627 minS1

  Carolyn gets asked one question more than any other: where do I start? This episode is her answer – the TRUST Method, the five-stage path Women's Divorce Academy is built on, and the reason the order you do things in matters more than any single piece of advice you'll be given. She takes you through all five stages, and she's honest about the one she got badly wrong herself. A decision made in the first year after her separation cost her a full year of support she was entitled to. Another, made years before she ever thought about divorce, cost her something she didn't know she had. If divorce has arrived all at once and everyone has an opinion, this is the episode that sorts out what matters this week. Key takeaways Divorce doesn't come one question at a time, and most of the advice you'll be handed contradicts the rest The five stages of the TRUST Method: Take stock, Regroup, Untangle, Shape, Thrive Four threads run through every stage – legal, money, children and you – so nothing gets dropped while you deal with what's in front of you Finding out what advice costs before deciding you can't afford it can change the whole first year In the first weeks, the job is triage: safety, access to money, the children, your health, and initial legal advice Decisions that look generous or harmless can carry consequences years down the track Where you are today isn't a grade – most women sit across two stages at once Mentioned in this episode The TRUST Method stage finder – free https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/trust Before You Agree to Anything – financial toolkit for property settlement: stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

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  Episode #30

  Keep the ambition, lose the perfectionism: Mel Wilson on career and young kids after divorce

  Sep 21, 202654 minS1

  When Carolyn started working at News Corp, Mel Wilson was her boss – a journalist who seemed to have everything together. Carolyn had no idea Mel was going through a separation too. Ten years on, Mel talks about what was happening underneath. A six-month-old and a three-and-a-half-year-old. A household budget sum that came out at zero. A job interview where she did something her future boss would call brave years later. An offer from her parents she tried very hard to refuse. Mel shares how she kept her career moving with young kids, what she had to let go of to do it, and why a year of dating experiments rebuilt her confidence. And she passes on a story Amanda Keller told her that changed how she thinks about parenting children who are growing up. Key takeaways Accepting help is part of getting through it. People who offer want to help, and saying yes lets them. Being upfront about your limits can work in your favour. Mel told her future boss exactly what she couldn't do, and still got the job. Some of the balls you're juggling are plastic and some are glass. Knowing which is which tells you what you can let drop. A few minutes between work and home – in the car, on the train – can change who walks through the door. Standards can shift for a season. The toast crumbs will still be on the bench when you get home. Dating again can be research. Mel's year of one date a month was mostly about working out what she wanted and learning to ask for it. There's no set role for a new partner in your children's lives. It's something you work out together, openly, over time. Links Mel Wilson Parenting in Progress: Imperfect advice for the biggest role of your life (HarperCollins) – https://harpercollins.com.au/products/9781460716083 The Juggling Act podcast, co-hosted with Jules Robinson (back catalogue) – podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-juggling-act/id1198896352 Mentioned in this episode The Third Space by Dr Adam Fraser – penguin.com.au/books/the-third-space-9781761043420 The Zero F*cks Cookbook by Yumi Stynes (Hardie Grant) – https://publishing.hardiegrant.com/en-au/books/the-zero-fucks-cookbook-by-yumi-stynes/9781743793947 Before You Agree to Anything – a financial toolkit for women heading into a property settlement. A$49. stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

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  Episode #29

  "He took everything so I got to start again": Di Geddes on cancer, divorce and rebuilding at 50

  Sep 14, 202641 minS1

  A note on this episode: Di describes emotional and financial abuse in her marriage. If anything here lands close to home, the support services below are available any time. Di Geddes knew her marriage was in trouble on the day she married. She stayed for 21 years. What finally ended it wasn't a single moment – it was her eldest son standing in front of her and asking her to do something. By the time she left, Di had a breast cancer diagnosis behind her, no savings and no self-belief. In the years that followed she lost both her parents. Then, with $10,000 and a fair bit of bluff, she started a business. In this conversation Di tells Carolyn what it actually took to rebuild – the thing she had to let go of before anything could change, the friendship that carried her through, and why she now describes losing everything as the biggest gift she was ever given. Key takeaways Children see more than we think they do. Di stayed to hold the family unit together – it was her son who told her he couldn't live in the house any more. Erosion doesn't require violence. Di names the verbal and mental chipping away that left her with no self-esteem, no money and no sense of her own capability. Letting go of the anger wasn't the same as forgiving him. Di describes the moment in a church pew when she understood what carrying it was costing her. Grief doesn't wait its turn. Cancer, separation, both parents dying and two bullying workplaces inside a few years – and no space to feel any of it. Di's approach to falling apart: shut the blinds, cry for as long as you need, but know the date you're getting up again. Independence had to be built on purpose. When her eldest son moved overseas, Di had to go back and find the woman she'd been at 25. Starting a business in her fifties took a leap of faith and a clear set of values – she left a job she loved because the people running it were counting the money. Links mentioned Di Geddes – digeddes.com.au Di's memoir, Courage to Be Me – digeddes.com.au Di's home care and disability support business, Exceptional Care for You – exceptionalcareforyou.com Breast Cancer Network Australia – bcna.org.au 1800RESPECT (family, domestic and sexual violence counselling, including emotional and financial abuse) – 1800respect.org.au or 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14 A note on this episode: Di describes emotional and financial abuse in her marriage. If anything here lands close to home, the support services above are available any time. Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

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  Episode #28

  Raising emotionally intelligent kids when you're doing it on your own

  Sep 7, 202628 minS1

  Carolyn's children were twelve, six and four when she separated. They're teenagers and young adults now, and their verdict on divorced parents is two Christmases, more holidays, and the nuisance of footy boots left at the wrong house. The worry sits with the mothers. Stephanie Pinto is an emotional intelligence coach and paediatric anxiety therapist, and here she and Carolyn get practical: how to become the parent your children come to rather than the one they manage, the questions that open a child up when "how are you feeling" shuts them down, and what it means that the household culture is now yours to build. Plus the question Carolyn hears from women more than any other, about the house she doesn't control. Key takeaways Work on your own emotional intelligence before your children's. That doesn't mean staying calm – as Stephanie puts it, a permanently zen parent is a robot, not a human. Check-ins land best sideways. At tuck-in, or in the car on the way to sport. Sometimes nothing comes of it. Sometimes you get gold. "Do you want solutions, or do you just want me to listen?" It's the question that makes you the parent your children come to when something goes wrong, rather than the one they manage around. Children will often discuss a friend's behaviour long before they'll discuss their own. Carolyn calls it the side door. Every family already has a culture, chosen or not. After separation you get to build yours on purpose – and it holds whether there's one adult in the house or two. Dr Ross Greene's principle that kids do well if they can. When something isn't working there's a reason, and the fix has to work for everyone under the roof. Rupture and repair is normal, expected and healthy. You can come back hours or days later and repair it. There is almost no cutoff. Links From Women's Divorce Academy What to say to your kids right now – a free guide covering under-fives, five to twelves and teenagers, including what to say when a child asks whose fault it is, how to be honest with a teenager without handing them adult detail, language for the handover and the day a child refuses to go, and what to do when the conversation goes badly. womensdivorceacademy.com/free-what-to-say-to-your-kids The values exercise Carolyn mentions is the first thing new members do inside the WDA membership. Join here: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program The Separated Mother's Toolkit – family lawyer interviews on parenting plans and binding agreements, a child support fact sheet, a Centrelink guide, a parenting schedule tracker and co-parenting scripts. A$49. stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/separated-mothers-toolkit/ Stephanie Pinto Website: stephaniepinto.com Her book, From Chaos to Connection: How parenting with emotional intelligence raises kind, confident, resilient kids Her podcast, Emotionally Intelligent Parenting Her Facebook group, Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids Instagram: @emotionally.intelligent.parent Mentioned in this episode The feelings wheel – Dr Gloria Willcox's original, the one that breaks a broad state like "angry" into six more specific ones. Free printable PDF: https://judishouse.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/Feeling-Wheel-Handouts.pdf Dr Ross Greene – "kids do well if they can", and the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions approach: livesinthebalance.org Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

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  Episode #27

  Emotional intelligence for mums when your life is on fire

  Aug 31, 202634 minS1

  Carolyn invited Stephanie Pinto on to talk about raising emotionally intelligent children. The conversation kept turning back to the mothers. Because emotional intelligence is straightforward enough to explain and almost impossible to practise when you're the one coming apart. When you're making decisions you don't fully understand, at a pace you didn't choose, with children who need you steady. Stephanie is an emotional intelligence coach and paediatric anxiety therapist. Here she unpicks why kindness without boundaries helps nobody, what happens in the seconds before you send a message you'll regret, and how to buy those seconds back. Carolyn shares the small administrative habit that changed the tone of her entire separation. And near the end, something about grief she hasn't said on this podcast before. Key takeaways Emotional intelligence has two halves – knowing what you're feeling, and recognising the other person has their own state going on. Empathy on its own isn't the whole skill. You can validate what someone feels without agreeing with them and without dropping the boundary. Those aren't in conflict. A limited emotional vocabulary costs more than it sounds like it should. "Mad" and "sad" don't tell you what's actually happening, in a child or in yourself. Solutions offered too early don't land. Not because the solution is wrong, but because the person isn't ready to hear it. The gap between reacting and responding is a skill rather than a personality trait. It can be built. Nothing you write down stays yours. Emails and texts can be read out in court, forwarded, or found by your children years later. Relief and grief turn up together. You can be certain you did the right thing and still be flattened by what you lost. Links Stephanie Pinto Website: stephaniepinto.com Her book, From Chaos to Connection: How parenting with emotional intelligence raises kind, confident, resilient kids Her podcast, Emotionally Intelligent Parenting Her Facebook group, Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids Instagram: @emotionally.intelligent.parent Mentioned in this episode The Separated Mother's Toolkit – family lawyer interviews on parenting plans and binding agreements, a child support fact sheet, a Centrelink guide, a parenting schedule tracker and co-parenting scripts. A$49. There's also a parenting plan template you can add at the checkout, so you're filling in a document rather than starting with a blank page. Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

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