Episode #23
Are You Missing These Relationship Red Flags?
If your partner starts talking to you in a different language the first time you get in bed together, what would your reaction be? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley get back to their Reddit-y roots with two stories that seem wildly different, but both boil down to the same thing: communication. First, they hear from a woman whose first time with her boyfriend did not go how she expected. They both speak Spanish, but he suddenly burst into English and moved her from position to position. Then (prepare yourself for this one), a woman's boyfriend refuses to help her with normal tasks, but gets angry at her when she finds another way to accomplish them. Highlights of the episode: Why you should look at adult films in the same way you watch Fast & Furious How to ask for what you want without killing the mood What looks good on camera doesn't always feel good The truth about the "friend zone" (men, you're doing it too) Is your partner helping you succeed or setting you up to fail? If you're not entirely satisfied with what's happening in the bedroom, you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, or you're somewhere in between, this episode has resources, practical tips, and plenty of strong opinions about building relationships that feel good to be in. Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the episode 01:10 - Reddit story #1: "First time with boyfriend felt more like a performance" 04:41 - The difference between connection and performance 05:31 - It's okay to slow down! 06:35 - Fast & Furious is not educational, and neither are adult films 08:21 - Some positions are made for cameras instead of pleasure 13:37 - Take the time to learn what your partner likes 18:05 - Safewords are for everyone 20:22 - Why couples should have more conversations about intimacy 23:02 - Great books and resources to read 25:19 - The climax gap 27:45 - You don't have to know everything the first time 29:37 - How you talk about pleasure doesn't have to be clinical 31:14 - Embrace the awkward 34:43 - There are so many ways to give your partner pleasure 36:41 - If your partner doesn't care how you feel, LEAVE THEM! 39:35 - Reddit Story #2: "Boyfriend doesn't help me, but gets mad when I find other solutions" 42:24 - One person doesn't get to decide how everything gets done 45:38 - Weaponized bad moods 47:47 - Coercive control doesn't always mean physical violence 49:29 - If you're always walking on eggshells, that's a warning sign 52:06 - Plot twist: Looking at OP's Reddit post history 54:16 - Compulsory heterosexuality 55:45 - Butterflies might be signaling danger, not excitement 57:57 - Trauma and splitting emotional intimacy from desire 59:59 - Physical closeness can feel easier than emotional vulnerability 01:05:09 - The truth about the "friend zone" 01:05:31 - Your partner should want you to succeed 01:08:43 - Relationship red flags worth learning 01:11:09 - Where to find Harris and Dr.Liz Episode Resources Men's Weaponized Bad Moods Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski She Comes First by Ian Kerner Fair Play by Eve Rodsky Why Does He Do That by Landy Bancroft Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger Stay Connected Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod
