Episode #29
029 – You're Not Lonely Because You're Alone
Why belonging is built through alignment, not proximity Most people think loneliness is a math problem. More friends. More invitations. A busier social calendar. But what if loneliness has nothing to do with how many people surround you? What if it's actually about whether the people around you understand who you are? In this solo episode, Tonya Kubo reflects on her conversation with Alicia Shidler and unpacks one of the biggest misconceptions about belonging: that proximity creates connection. Alicia's story of leaving California for rural Michigan demonstrates that being physically close to people isn't the same as feeling known. Instead, belonging comes from finding people who share your values, understand your priorities, and make space for you to be fully yourself. Building on that conversation, Tonya explores how intentional living often challenges the expectations of others. Whether it's choosing a different lifestyle, raising a family differently, or pursuing goals that don't make sense to the people around you, living in alignment with your values can feel lonely at first. But that discomfort often becomes the pathway to finding the people who truly understand you. Tonya also examines the role community plays in that journey—both online and offline. Drawing from Alicia's experiences navigating homesteading groups and her own work as a community strategist, she explains why healthy communities aren't defined by their size but by their purpose, consistency, and ability to make people feel safe enough to participate. Because belonging isn't about collecting people. It's about finding the ones who feel like home. You’ll hear how: Loneliness is more about alignment than physical proximity Feeling understood creates deeper belonging than simply being included Intentional living often challenges the expectations of others Online communities can become powerful places to build meaningful connection In-person and online communities each serve different but equally valuable purposes Strong community leadership creates trust through consistency and accountability Silent members are often paying the closest attention before they choose to engage Clear purpose and healthy moderation help communities thrive Authenticity helps you recognize the people who truly understand you Belonging begins when you stop trying to fit in and start living in alignment with your values Episode Highlights [01:12] Why loneliness isn't simply a numbers problem [04:05] Alicia's move to Michigan and how alignment replaced proximity [07:50] What Tonya's front yard garden revealed about other people's assumptions [11:40] Why intentional living often makes others uncomfortable [15:05] Online communities aren't a consolation prize—they're often where belonging begins [18:45] What healthy communities do differently to create trust and safety [22:15] Why silent community members may be paying the closest attention [25:20] Finding your people by living authentically Resources & Mentions Episode 028 – What If It's Not Normal… But It Works? with Alicia Shidler Sustaining Humanity by Phil McKay Meet Your Host Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, marketing consultant, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. For nearly two decades, she’s built online spaces that feel less like comment sections and more like chosen family. She’s the fixer you call when your Facebook group has gone straight-up Lord of the Flies and the bouncer at the door of internet nonsense. As the host of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers and bridge-builders who know “normal” was never the point. Her favorite spaces? The ones where the freak flags fly high. Support the Show If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!) . Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people. You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes. Let’s Stay Freaky Facebook Group LinkedIn Instagram Podcast Hub What’s Next Next time, Tonya sits down with Jen Mackinnon to explore what it means to belong in two worlds at once. Together, they unpack the unique challenges of balancing career and homeschooling, building community at the intersection of both, and why choosing a practical path doesn't mean settling for less—it means creating a life that works for your family.
