Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care

Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care is a kids podcast hosted by Utah Foster Care, with 77 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80.

Utah Foster Care hosts Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care, a kids show with 77 episodes published.

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  Episode #75

  Ep 75: Care Communities Impact

  Sep 14, 202632 minS75

  In this episode of Fostering Conversations , host Amy Smith welcomes Tami Jenny, Jenny, and Lexi to discuss the growing impact of the Care Communities program. Together, they explore how groups of volunteers provide meaningful, trauma-informed support to foster families across Utah. Listeners will learn: What a Care Community is and how volunteers support foster families. Why people who are not foster parents can still make a significant difference. How trauma-informed training equips volunteers to better support children and caregivers. Real-life examples of providing meals, transportation, childcare, emotional support, and practical help. The importance of reducing isolation and building trusted relationships around foster families. How communities, businesses, faith groups, and individuals can get involved. To learn more visit carecommunities.org The conversation highlights the power of surrounding foster families with consistent support and demonstrates that anyone, regardless of life stage or experience, can play a role in strengthening foster care in their community. Transcript: [00:00:00] On today’s episode of Fostering Conversations, we’ll be talking about the Care Communities program, how to get involved, and how great it is to be a part of. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Tami Jenny and Lexi joining us, who all work for Utah Foster Care. Thanks for joining us, you guys. Tami: Thanks for having us Jenny: Glad to be here Amy: All of you are involved in the Care Communities program. Lexi’s the director over communications, but she is the leader of a Care Community, so she’s joining us with that perspective today. So maybe let’s have, Tammy or Jenny just explain to us briefly what Care Communities is, and then we’ll dive [00:01:00] into how people can get involved, Lexi’s experience as a care team leader Tami: I would love for Jenny to introduce the Care Communities program. She’s one of our coordinators and our statewide trainer for the program Jenny: Absolutely. So the Care Communities program is a program that gathers eight to 10 individuals in a community, whether it’s faith-based, just community-based, business-based, to be able to surround one foster family with support, practical, emotional, and, physical supports to b- help them be able to better provide, care for the children, that come into their homes that come from hard places Amy: Yeah. So what I love about Care Communities is that it gives the opportunity for our community members to participate in the foster care experience without being a foster parent, because not everybody can be a foster parent. It is quite taxing, and you do need to have the time and ability to be able to do that. But Lexi is a care team leader. Lexi, tell us a little bit about [00:02:00] why you wanted to become a care team leader Lexi: Yeah. So I was actually already working at Utah Foster Care when I decided I wanted to be part of a care community or a care team. and I’ve just always had such a soft spot in my heart for, foster families and kids in care and just wanting to help and be involved and, have lots of really cool, great opportunities to do that, obviously through work. But, my position’s a little more behind the scenes, less involved one-on-one directly with the families and so I was still missing that piece or wanting that piece, in my life. And so I was like, “Yeah, I have extra hours during the month that I’d love to just spend helping out, directly with a foster family and kids in care.” I reached out to Tammy and said, “Hey, I… Is it a conflict of interest if I also join the care team working here at Utah Foster Care?” And she said, “No, absolutely not. Go right ahead.” And, it’s been great to put the team together, and we’ve been serving, a [00:03:00] family in our area since, since May, so about the last, six months or so. Amy: Okay. And how did it all come about? So you are the care community team leader. Did you recruit friends? Did… How does that happen? if somebody’s like, “I wanna be involved in this,” what do they have to do? Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. There’s a couple ways to go about it. there’s the inquiry form online on, UtahCareCommunities.org that people can just go to register or fill out a form and say, “Hey, I’m interested in being part of a care team.” the cool part about that is behind the scenes, the care communities coordinators are, gathering all of these inquiries and trying to put together teams from, individuals in the community, and form a team that way. The way it worked, for me, though, is I, just had a connection with my church, being in a leadership position and just knowing a lot of people around me, so I started recruiting, a few other volunteers to come join me. I said, “Hey, there’s this really awesome volunteer [00:04:00] opportunity. it’s a little bit longer of a commitment,” right? It’s not a one-time service thing. It’s six months to a year, which makes it, for me, super meaningful because you really get to know the people, and it’s just great. So I did a little bit of recruiting, to get some people, and then my care communities coordinator, for my regional area, she’s like, “Hey, there’s actually another young adult group that’s trying to form a team. You each have about five people. What would you think about joining forces to create one team and serve someone a l- in the middle demographically?” And that’s what we did. Amy: Okay, that’s awesome. So that’s great to know for community members. They can create a team, or if they fill out that inquiry, it then goes to Jenny or whoever is that local person who then can start working on putting people together. Is it based on location or what is it based on? Jenny: Yeah, it’s based on, we try to group the teams together by geographic location because we want to make it, the least, challenging to be able to [00:05:00] serve these families. And so when we can group p- people together in a geographic location, it helps. It Amy: that makes sense. Yeah, like you wanna make it the least inconvenient, Jenny: Yes. Amy: want this person to be close to you and accessible. So okay, I love that, that you can create like your own start or just reach out and be like, “Hey, I’m willing. Send me where you need me to go,” kind of situation. So that’s awesome. Lexi, what has been your experience… I guess I’m getting ahead of myself. After you guys created the team, you then go to a trauma-informed training. Is that correct? So tell us a little bit about that, and then maybe Jenny or Tammy can also contribute, what kind of information and what help these trainings offer Lexi: Yeah. the training was really wonderful. Jenny was actually the one who taught, or provided the training for our group. and it’s such a wonderful experience. It’s the first time… there’s a little bit of administrative stuff the first few weeks in creating a care team because this is a, a little bit longer term, opportunity to serve. You’re [00:06:00] getting everyone on board. Once all the team members have said, “Yep, we understand the program. We’ve signed all the confidentiality stuff. we’re good to go,” then we meet together in person. And so that’s all the team members and the foster family, which is really great. we get to sit and talk with the parents, get to know them, they get to know us. And then the trauma-informed training is so wonderful, and I think it’s really the key piece of Care Communities being successful and as meaningful of a program as it is. because there’s just differences. There’s things that people aren’t exposed to or familiar with, in supporting children who have experienced trauma, whether it’s behaviors or, just situations that might come up that the trauma-informed training really gives you a solid background and understanding to say, “Oh, I remember learning about this. this is still unfamiliar to me, but I feel like now I have tools of like I remember in the training they said, to try this or do that.” and [00:07:00] really I’ve found, the training helpful to lean back on as well as other members of our care team. It’s been really great. Amy: I think if nothing else, it, it shows you that, what maybe you’re seeing or experiencing is normal per se, because I think in society we’re not super trauma informed. I was very, not totally unaware I should say, until I became a foster parent. And even in that training I’m like, “No, these people are crazy,” this doesn’t really happen. And then you kids come and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, they were not lying. This is actually true.” So I think if anything, it just helps you be like, “Okay, this is,what is involved here.” So I love that. Lexi: it sets everyone up for success, which I think is great. It makes the service the most meaningful for the foster family, because you’re helping them in the ways that they need to be helped because you understand the context. It helps you be better prepared to support the kiddos, and it just helps you as a volunteer know, not only know what you’re getting into, but [00:08:00] again, feeling equipped in that you have the tools to continue serving and volunteering Amy: Yeah. And I think as a foster parent too, just having people that are your corner and understand, if this kid has a total meltdown or does this or that, I’m not gonna be judged by these people. Because I think as a foster parent, that can be really overwhelming sometimes. “Oh, great, they’re gonna think this or that,” and that is stressful and this is supposed to be something that lightens the load, not adds another layer that a foster parent has to be concerned about. Jenny or Tami what experiences have you guys had giving these trainings and, what good have you seen from these trainings? Tami: I would love for Jenny to answer that, and I was just pulled out my calculator and was doing– adding up some numbers and looking at between the pilot and now one year into the program post-pilot, about 450 adults in the state of Utah have received this trauma-informed training, which has benefits beyond the foster family that they’re serving because [00:09:00] now they’re going out as a coach for their kid’s team or whatever their occupation is, or the kids they come in contact with in their faith community, and they’re having a better understanding that behavior is often a result of something challenging that’s happened to a child and not something wrong with the child. So I love that one of the outcomes of this program is filling the state with trauma-informed adults, and we are so grateful for all those who have stepped forward to do this. But Jenny, tell us what your experiences doing the training have been like. Jenny: I love going around to these trainings and seeing people’s eyes of understanding just open to themselves and their own personal experiences perhaps with children who they maybe not, didn’t realize at the time were maybe dealing with trauma, and re- recognizing different ways that they can then step towards these children to surround them with supports rather than what a lot of us want to do, back away and be like, “Oh, that’s [00:10:00] scary. That’s a little bit overwhelming. That’s not something I wanna handle.” And so filling the state with, like Tammy said, individuals who are willing to see these behaviors in not just children who are in foster care, but all children, to step towards them and to give them those supports that they need in order to make, help so the s- what’s called social thinning doesn’t occur for them, or occurs less, so that they have more adults in their lives that can give them, safe, connected, relationships, which is where the healing, comes from is in the relationships that we build with these children. Amy: Yeah. I hadn’t– it hadn’t really dawned on me until you guys both just said that, but it does, not only does this support a foster family, but you’re right, the coaches, the, the teachers, the church communities. A lot of kids have trauma. A lot of adults have trauma. It’s not just kids in foster care that have experienced trauma. It is unfortunately many children, and learning how to appropriately deal [00:11:00] or accept or tolerate or be patient with these emotions and behaviors is not just helping foster families, but it’s helping the entire community, and that’s really cool. I hadn’t thought about that So Lexi, tell us a little bit about what you guys have actually been able to do for your foster family that you’re assigned to Lexi: Yeah. It’s great. So the structure of a care team, there’s two care team leaders, and then there’s care team members. And, the reason there’s the care team leaders is to, minimize as many, like, communications struggles as possible, keeping things consistent while also, like, not overwhelming the family, right? ’cause if you could imagine 10 people all reaching out to you without any sort of organization or structure, it could be really stressful. and so my partner and the care team leader, he and I switch off,we’ll each take a week coordinating the care. that’s just how we decided works best for us. and then we’ll text, the foster mom, and she said that it will work best for them. She’s like, “You can include my husband, but realistically, send it to [00:12:00] me. I do the scheduling.” and she’s home with the kiddos. we’ll send her a message at the start of the week just being like, “Hey, how’s it going? what, what support would be most helpful for you this week, and what days and times work best?” that kind of just helps us get a, cursory view of the week of, hey, these days and times, let’s send some people over to help with specific things that she already knows and anticipates. so examples, rides to visits. the kids in care, they have visits with their biological mom once a week. and it’s about 30 minutes from the foster mom’s house. And the visits are long, and so she’ll usually drop them off in the morning. It’s four hours, and then sometimes she’s “Hey, is anyone available just to pick them up from the visit and bring them back?” so we do that. I think rides is huge. Something people in the community maybe don’t realize is how many extra appointments, visits, court dates, like so much driving, so many extra things. So giving rides has been really big. and [00:13:00] really just going over and hanging out with the kids, is probably the biggest way that we go over and help is just, Hanging out with the kids, and I think one of the most wonderful things about that, the kids, love us so much. we come over and I feel like a rock star every time we come over to the house ’cause the kids come running up and they’re like,Lexi,” “Do this.” And then they just wanna show me all their things, and it’s like that for all, every care team m- member that comes over. And again, the value of doing a longer-term service project like this, is that you build those relationships and you’re giving the kids in care, those quality with safe and caring adults. and so yeah, hanging out with the kids. several of us will sometimes either come over and make dinner or bring, drop dinner off. that can always help. The mom we’re, the foster family we’re helping out, the mom, she just sprained her ankle, which is so hard on top of having all of the kids. So we just are going over just to alleviate as [00:14:00] much of the day-to-day pressure as we can. Sometimes we’ll help clean up or organize things, as projects come up. They’ll be moving soon,we’re planning to help a lot with the packing. But really just the day-to-day life things that everyone could use some help with from Amy: I know, I’m like, “Can I get a care team?” Lexi: it just would be so great Amy: No, it is so great, and I just think back to my foster parenting days, and it is so taxing. that’s why I’m not one anymore, It’s ’cause it is so much to carry. You’re taking care of your own household plus any number of extra kids. You don’t know when they’re coming, you don’t know when they’re leaving. It’s a lot. I don’t think, unless you’ve done foster care, I really don’t know… I don’t think you can know how taxing it mentally is for foster parents, and the s- and the permanent kids that live there, of how taxing it is to have kids coming in and out of your home. It’s a lot, it really is. So I think this just lightens a physical load, but also the mental load to [00:15:00] some degree too, to just have those extra hands that you can call and that you know will show up. That’s pretty incredible. Lexi: A- and to that point too, I s- something I left off that I think is really important in this conversation too is not only, the physical load and the mental load with the planning, but the emotional load. I think that’s one of the biggest ways that, I’ve seen, I don’t know, value come out of this, the mom is just we go over, and because care team members sign that confidentiality, those confidentiality waivers, the foster parents are able to talk to us about what’s going on in their case, which of most people they can’t, right? they can’t share the details. And even when it’s still limited and it’s just general things, it’ll be like, “Man, we had court today, and it was just really hard. I feel really confused about, where we stand or where this case is headed. I thought we knew, and I thought we were going to get resolution with this case, but now I feel like we have [00:16:00] another five months of uncertainty, and that’s just really stressing me out.” And, she’s talked to me about, um, struggles with it, but then also her husband too will be like, “Yeah, like I always tell her, like, ‘It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s good. It’s gonna workout. It’s good.'” And then one of the most recent court appointments, he’s like, “Wait, but what?” and he had that reaction, and the mom, she was like, was really grateful to hear him share that, now he’s struggling with it. Not that I want him to struggle with it, but that this is what I feel every single appointment. And so really the, the care team members can be a huge emotional support for the foster parents because Amy, just like what you were saying, until you’ve lived it or experienced it closely, you just have no idea everything that entails. So just having someone that can listen and be there, just to be there, to be in it with you, I think is so meaningful. Tami: Yeah, I love that. One of the things we talked about when we created this pilot was this is really [00:17:00] coming alongside someone and doing life with them. It isn’t fixing a problem for them. We’re not coming in as care teams and telling foster parents how to parent. We don’t need to be the experts. We just need to come alongside them, build a relationship of trust so that they can be vulnerable and feel safe with

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  Episode #70

  Ep 74: Comfort and Care

  Aug 13, 202627 min

  “Every single child deserves a foundation. Every child deserves to know there’s someone there rooting them on, and every child deserves to know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally.” — Rob Scheer Episode 74: Comfort and Care What happens when a child enters foster care carrying everything they own in a trash bag? For Rob Scheer , it is more than a heartbreaking image. It is a reality he lived. In this powerful episode of Fostering Conversations , host Amy Smith sits down with foster care advocate, author, and Comfort Cases founder Rob Scheer to discuss his journey from foster youth and homelessness to becoming a nationally recognized champion for children in care. Together, they explore the urgent need for dignity, support, and community in the foster care system. Key Takeaways Children in Foster Care Need More Than a Place to Stay A new placement can be frightening and uncertain. Something as simple as pajamas, a blanket, toiletries, and a stuffed animal can help a child feel seen, valued, and cared for on one of the hardest nights of their life. Dignity Matters Rob Scheer founded Comfort Cases after seeing firsthand how foster youth were still carrying their belongings in trash bags. Today, the organization provides backpacks, duffel bags, essential items, mentorship opportunities, and scholarships to young people in care. A Forever Family Can Come at Any Age One of the most touching moments of the episode is the story of Alex, a foster youth who aged out of care but eventually found permanence through adult adoption into the Scheer family. Healing Often Begins with Forgiveness Rob Scheer candidly shares his struggles with addiction, suicide attempts, and the difficult process of forgiving his parents. His story is a reminder that healing is not linear, but hope is always possible.   Support for Youth Aging Out of Foster Care Comfort Cases offers: Scholarships for trade schools, colleges, and continuing education Mentorship opportunities Support resources for foster youth and young adults Comfort Cases and Comfort XL duffel bags for children entering care   Connect With Comfort Cases and Utah Foster Care Learn more about foster care, adoption, and ways to support children and families in your community: Visit Comfort Cases to learn more. https://utahfostercare.org  

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  Episode #73

  Ep 73: Fostering in Small Towns

  Jul 7, 202636 min

  In this heartfelt episode of Fostering Conversations , host Amy Smith sits down with Ellie Barlow, a dedicated foster parent from a rural Utah community. Ellie shares her family’s remarkable journey fostering 22 children, adopting five, and navigating the unique challenges of raising high-needs youth far from urban resources. From building a thriving support system in a small town to parenting children with trauma, autism, and medical fragility, Ellie offers honest insight and practical wisdom for foster and adoptive families alike. The conversation highlights the importance of partnership in marriage, trauma-informed care, community involvement, and the powerful beauty of reunification. What You’ll Learn What fostering looks like in rural communities How to prepare for high-needs placements Why being on the same page with your partner is critical The impact of trauma-informed parenting tools like TBRI How to build a support system when resources are limited The emotional realities of foster care and reunification Key Topics Covered Rural foster care challenges and creative solutions Supporting children with trauma, RAD, and autism The importance of training and ongoing education Community support and how others can help foster families Emotional resilience and self-care strategies A powerful reunification story that redefines success Memorable Takeaway Foster care is both deeply challenging and profoundly meaningful. As Ellie shares, “You don’t have to be perfect to step in. Showing up with consistency, compassion, and commitment can change lives.”

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  Episode #72

  Ep 72: Pride in Every Home

  Jun 9, 202624 min

  In this special Pride Month episode of Fostering Conversations , host Amy Smith speaks with Jessica and Giselle, a Utah foster care couple, about their journey into fostering and building a loving, inclusive family. They share how a chance encounter at a community event led them to foster care, ultimately resulting in the adoption of their first placement and the addition of another sibling to their home. Their story highlights the importance of representation, support, and belonging for children in care, especially those who identify as LGBTQ+. This episode explores: What it’s like to foster as an LGBTQ+ family Why belonging matters for every child How foster parents can support youth who come out The role of community, acceptance, and chosen family Simple ways anyone can be an ally Jessica and Giselle offer practical advice for foster parents and encouraging words for youth navigating identity and acceptance. Their message is clear: every child deserves to feel safe, celebrated, and loved. Learn more about supporting LGBTQ+ youth in foster care: Visit the Utah Foster Care LGBTQ+ Resource Page Transcript: ep72_jun26 [00:00:00] Happy Pride Month. This episode, we’re talking with Jessica and Giselle, a local lesbian couple who shares their insights on what it’s like to be part of the LGBTQ+ community Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Jessica and Giselle who are licensed Utah foster care parents, and we are excited to have them. Thanks for being with us today. Jessica: Thank you. We’re excited to be here. Amy: It’s June, it’s Pride Month, and you are a local L-G-B-T-Q family, and we are excited to get your perspective on what that is like. So tell us a little bit about what got you into fostering. Just give us [00:01:00] a little bit of background so our listeners kind of know who they’re listening to. Jessica: Yeah, I’m Jessica, my wife Giselle is right here with me. We have always wanted a family. We’ve been together almost six years and we just, we always knew that we wanted kids eventually. As you do know, there are lots of ways for LGBTQ plus families to start a family, And we started really looking into all the options. We looked into adoption, we looked into IVF, we did look into foster care a little bit initially and. We kind of were thinking it was gonna go a different route. We actually went in 2023 on Mother’s Day. We went to the zoo where they were having a Mother’s day celebration. And there were different organizations there. And we had gotten an email from the zoo and they said that someone was there and they were gonna be giving away. an IVF. To a family so you could enter into this contest and you could potentially win the chance to do IVF because as a lot of you know, it’s not cheap. We thought, let’s go, let’s take our chances, let’s go enter [00:02:00] in and see what the universe has in store for us and. Actually, that’s where we met with Utah Foster Care. They had a booth set up. We actually ended up having a conversation there with Esmeralda from Utah Foster Care, and she was so helpful. She spoke Spanish, which was helpful for my wife, who speaks Spanish. She was answering all of our questions. it really just sparked that interest for us and we hadn’t really. Actually fully considered doing foster care until that conversation. So that was really special, that, that’s kind of what started it off for us. And then we became foster parents. About a year later. We had a couple life things come up. I got an injury and we weren’t ready to start right away. But when we did officially become licensed in 20, 24, about a month after we got our license, we got our first placement. And that first placement was who we just adopted in January of this year. And. We also have his younger half brother that was placed with us as well last summer. So [00:03:00] we’ve just, we’re just growing and expanding and, Amy: Yeah, I love that. Okay, so you’re saying that the booths work. I feel really good about this. I love that. I love that you guys went in with a different, like purpose essentially, and then your eyes were open to something else, like that’s really cool. So have you guys had any other placements besides these two siblings? Jessica: No, actually they’ve been the only, only two placements. We were kind of one of the odd ones, I guess, that adopted our very first placement, so I know that’s not always the case, but. Amy: It’s not, but you know what I’ve learned in foster care is that nothing is normal. You just never know. So I love that. That’s amazing. So tell us a little bit about the process of becoming licensed. Did you feel any barriers or things as an L-G-B-T-Q couple? Jessica: I do feel like in some ways I think we felt more needed. I do remember pretty early on hearing the statistics that about, and correct me if I’m wrong, about [00:04:00] 30% of foster kids end up identifying as LGBTQ plus. So I do remember thinking like, oh, wow, those are crazy numbers. And how special would it be for us to be there and to be able to have our start with foster care and to be able to just be there to even if it didn’t end up in adoption, we would’ve loved to have that positive impact. Even if it was just a temporary thing where there’s reunification as the goal, then we were happy to be there for however long in a child’s life as that was gonna be. And yeah, I think we felt pretty early on that that this was a good place for us. That there was a lot of inclusion and a lot of , a need for just having that diversity and having that acceptance. Amy: Yeah, I love that. I know that’s spoken of so much, and so to actually hear your experience that is what it felt like and was that I love that because there is, there, is a huge need for it. Have you guys been able to participate in a cluster, the group that, Around the LGBTQ community. Have you guys been able to participate in any of those types [00:05:00] of events? Jessica: We haven’t specifically, which is awful. I know Amy: No, it’s not. Jessica: invited. Yeah, it is very busy. Yeah. And we have met couple of the people that help run those groups. They’re amazing people. And we do go to other activities and other events where we can, and it’s, yeah. It’s been nice though to know that those resources are there and that those other. Activities are happening, that those meetings are happening. Like it’s, it is wonderful to know that, and I think that is, again, initially that is something that really was a positive impact on our decision to become foster parents, was knowing that. It’s not just, Hey, , we are inclusive of everyone. They didn’t just say it on paper. They were actually doing the things that show that they care about the LGBTQ plus community. There were actually those things in place to help. We are very happy that they exist and Amy: Love Jessica: we need to start attending those. Yeah. Amy: It’s tricky, especially if you have younger kids. A lot of those are geared towards the teens in the community, so that’s totally fair. And life is busy. [00:06:00] Foster parents are busy. So I totally get that. One of the things that Utah Foster Care says a lot is that every child deserves belonging. So what’s that kind of mean to you guys? Jessica: the term belonging. doesn’t just exist for LGBTQ plus. I think that can be for anyone that’s different, anyone that feels outta place. And I think of course it’s especially important for our LGBTQ plus children that that need those safe homes. And. Us being in that community ourselves, I think has a whole new meaning. We can apply our own personal experience, the things that were said, that were helpful, the things that were maybe hurtful, and kind of take what we’ve learned from our own personal experiences and say I. We’re never gonna be that kind of parent to our kids because that was hurtful or the opposite. Luckily in our cases were was true that we both had very accepting families, very accepting friends and support systems that as we came out and as we. Decided, Hey, we’re gonna, we’re gonna start a family. We’re gonna do this. We [00:07:00] had so much love and so much support and a lot of right things were said, and a lot of right things were done. So just knowing that, like we want to give that as well. All the love that we’ve already received, like we have so much to give as well. I think that belonging is important for every child regardless of how they identify. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And like you said at very beginning, , we need to belong in so many different aspects. There’s so many clubs, groups, places to belong that, that every human needs, I would love if you would be willing to share, As foster parents, what are things that maybe we have a child in our care that comes out while they’re in our care? What do we do as foster parents? Jessica: I think what was helpful for me specifically, I didn’t come out in my youth. I was much older when I came out. I was about 24, 23 or so. But I can imagine having come out as a youth and I can. I can imagine the anxiety, the stress, the the fear of, how is this person gonna react? Especially [00:08:00] being in Utah, it’s a little more conservative. A lot of people come from a religious, background and unfortunately you hear stories and these stories are real things that happen to real people. And unfortunately, there are a lot of reactions that are not positive and that are not great. Things that helped me and things that were said to me from my own family was just, this change is nothing. We love you. We still want the best for you. We still want you to get married. We still want you to have kids. If that’s what you choose to do, and we’re here for you, and just helping to take that fear away of. Am I gonna be kicked outta my family? Am I gonna be treated differently now? Am I gonna, the things that, at least in my case, I didn’t ever think that my family would do that. ’cause I knew that they, deep down, they, they love me no matter what. But they’re still real fears. Even if you have the most supportive parents or the most supportive, support system, you, you can still have those fears and that, that still exists. So her experience was very different than mine and I’m grateful she’s sharing this. ’cause it, it brings a lot of. Insight [00:09:00] here. She did come out when she was much younger early teens, and she was living in Venezuela at the time. a cultural difference there as well as far as being able to come out and having a safe space to do so. and she, very much at the time her parents were not understanding, and unfortunately she did go through a period of, they tried to change who she was and they tried to, they sent her to conversion therapy. It was unfortunately that, extreme opposite of the situation that I had. They’re at a place now where they are, absolutely changed and apologized, and they are present in our lives. They love us, they love her, they love our kids. So it’s so great to see that, there’s hope for youth that maybe don’t have positive experiences as well. But yeah. My wife then also said what she would say to, to kids in her care. is to just not have expectations for them not set the expectation of you have to be this person. You have to love this person. You have to end up doing this. And I think that applies, again, not just to being [00:10:00] LGBTQ plus, but that can apply to not have expectations of you’re absolutely gonna go to college right after high school. You’re absolutely gonna do this thing or follow this. This rule or be this way or think this way. , That is advice , that applies to other areas of parenting is I think take away some of those expectations of who you want your kids to be and just let them be who they want to be and who they are. Amy: Absolutely. Something I would love if Giselle’s willing to answer is, what did she do, when she was. I mean, ostracized, it sounds like when she was treated poorly from that coming out, what did she do? What would she say to kids that maybe are having that experience of coming out and not being accepted, not being included, or welcomed. Jessica: She said it was really hard when she came out she felt very isolated. She didn’t have a lot of tools or a lot of, examples or places to, to look at or to go to really feel a lot of hope. When she did come out, it was a really dark time. [00:11:00] She did feel really lonely and like she was the only one. . Like she was trying to be changed. But if she could say something to youth that are maybe in the same situation as that, you’re not alone, you’re definitely not alone. And I would add that it gets better. I know that it’s hard to see that and hard to feel that in the moment, but look at where she is now. I’d say things have changed a little bit, Amy: Yeah, Jessica: so things are are much better. Amy: and I feel like the world is getting more accepting. It’s becoming, more informed. I think even just in the last few years really it’s more. I don’t know the right word, but people are more accepting. People are more informed but at the same time, it’s like even just two weeks ago, a friend texted me and said, Hey, my son is. Going to come out eventually. We don’t know when, we’re really afraid that grandma’s not gonna be okay with this. And I said [00:12:00] That’s fine. He is still the same person to me, but, so she called and talked to grandma so that she could give grandma a heads up and grandma did not respond well, and. I don’t know how it’ll go. This kid hasn’t come out yet and I don’t know when he will and I don’t know how it will go but it was a reality check to me that yeah, there are still people that are like, oh no. And that’s really hard for youth and I don’t know what to do. And I guess we just find the people that are supportive. I’m not sure, if you have any insight onto that, I think it would be awesome. Jessica: Yeah. I’m glad you’re bringing this up. Actually, one of my favorite things that I share with a lot of people is you need to look for where you’re celebrated, not just tolerated. And I think I got that off of an episode of Queer Eye, so I can’t take credit for that quote. But I, I mean, it just really resonated with me because there are, unfortunately. Even some of the friends and family members that said this change is nothing. We still love you. Things did change [00:13:00] and relationships did change from the time I came out to where we are now and, unfortunately you do, you have to choose where you are gonna spend your time and where you’re gonna put in your effort. And family is chosen and for a lot of, people it’s not just biological family. And I think that’s so true, especially with foster care. We always tell our boys, they’re really little still. They’re not even two yet, and not even one. But we say, we chose you and we always will choose you and. Just that idea that love is a choice and family can be a choice. Sometimes you get lucky and you’re born into a family that loves you and accepts you and will be the healthiest thing for you. But sometimes that’s not the case. And I think in those cases you get to kind of, you have permission to choose. Who you let into your circle and who you’re calling family and who gets to be your aunt or your uncles or your parents or your siblings. You get to choose those people and surround yourself with people who really celebrate who you are. Amy: and that’s hard to do [00:14:00] sometimes. It’s hard. It’s hard to. To choose those people. When we do live in a society, it’s, you’re tied to this, you’re tied to that. And so I love that. I love that perspective that you have I love that quote. Do you guys have it in your house somewhere? Jessica: Good. I know I need to print that off somewhere. Amy: You do. I love that. Jessica: I think my said something else to say too. Really good she said so in her experience, especially with some of her family members a lot of which are still actually in Venezuela in some of the cases where, she’s had people that haven’t been as accepting and, a lot of times she’s noticed that these family members sometimes just speak out of ignorance, out of not not knowing anyone that’s a lesbian, not knowing anyone that is gay and has a family, not knowing, anyone in that community that they can turn to and ask questions or not having done research themselves or not having, gained knowledge about. community themselves. And so luckily in some cases, she has found that sometimes just after a conversation of, [00:15:00] Hey, let’s. Let’s put our religious differences aside. Let’s put our egos aside. Let’s put any hurt feelings aside and let’s have a conversation. What questions do you have for me? That’s something that we always try to be very open to. Questions. ’cause I understand too, people, this is new, a new concept for some people and a. I wish it wasn’t. I wish that wasn’t the world we lived in. I wish it wasn’t so hard to wrap your head around this idea of families looking different than the traditional mainstream family. But sometimes just having conversations with people and saying, Hey what questions do you have that can sometimes help heal some relationships, and not in all cases, unfortunately but she’s been lucky to that has been the case in some of her family members. Amy: as somebody that’s not. In the LGBTQ plus community I can be sometimes like I don’t wanna say anything wrong. I don’t, and it’s same with any community, right? I’m in the fostering community and people ask me questions all the time and they say stupid crap all the time, but I’m okay with it ’cause they’re just learning. So I think that’s a really good perspective [00:16:00] that it’s yeah, if we don’t know, try to find the most tactful way to ask. Jessica: Absolutely. Absolutely. Amy: So that’s a really good perspective. I appreciate that a lot. So switching back, just to fostering a little bit, what is something, that has changed you guys as a couple or as an individual? What has fostering done to your life personally? Jessica: My wife, ed everything has changed. Yeah. Amy: Yes, she’s Jessica: everything has changed, but for the better. I think. Our hearts have just opened so much more than we ever imagined they could. Just this unconditional love and truly, I mean, the word unconditional, I think that word gets overused sometimes, but. the actual definition of that word, not putting any conditions on these children, you do not have to be behaving. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to turn out this way, or you do not have to become this per kind of person. I have zero conditions on how much I love you and it’s just been incredible to. Find a sense of community as [00:17:00] well for us. It was one thing that I’ve talked about. I stepped away from the religion that I grew up in when I. Came out and I lost a sense of community when that happened. So foster care really helped kind of reinstate and helped us explore a new community. And it’s been wonderful to have new friends and new new activities to go to and new people that we can connect with and people th

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  Episode #71

  Ep 71: First-Time Fostering

  May 12, 202626 min

  In this episode of Fostering Conversations , host Amy Smith welcomes back Laura from Foster Parenting to discuss her first book, First Time Fostering . Designed as a practical field guide, the book brings together real-world strategies, scripts, and community-sourced wisdom to support new foster and kinship caregivers. Laura explains why she created a manual that caregivers can jump into by topic, rather than reading cover to cover. The conversation explores how the book helps families who are licensed, waiting for placement, or already feeling overwhelmed. They dive into what caregivers can control inside their homes, from building trust and connection to handling sleep, food, boundaries, and hard conversations. Amy and Laura also discuss preparing friends and family for fostering, responding to inappropriate questions, advocating with caseworkers, knowing when to say no to a placement, and supporting permanent children already in the home. This episode offers reassurance, validation, and practical tools for foster parents at every stage. In this episode, you’ll hear: Why First Time Fostering was written as a practical, topic-based field guide How new foster parents can use the book when they feel overwhelmed What caregivers can control inside their homes, even when the system feels chaotic The power of scripts and role-play for hard parenting moments How to prepare friends, family, and community before placements arrive Ways to respond to inappropriate or insensitive questions Why saying no to a placement can sometimes be the most supportive choice The importance of putting agreements with caseworkers in writing How fostering impacts permanent children in the home Why flexibility and reassessment are essential throughout the year Resources mentioned: First Time Fostering by Laura Available through major retailers via https://firsttimefostering.com Follow Laura on Instagram at Foster.Parenting Learn more about foster care in Utah at Utah Foster Care Transcript Amy: Tune in to today’s episode we chat with Laura from Foster Parenting. Talking about her first book a must read for all foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Laura from Foster Parenting. That is what she’s known for on her Instagram, and she’s joining us again for the second podcast and we’re so excited to have her. Thanks for being here, Laura. Laura: Thanks so much for having me back. Amy: I’m excited because you are putting out a book. Yes, I’m excited and , all of the feelings.So I was privileged enough to get to read the book, so I’m excited to chat with you about it today. Tell us the name of the book and then tell us why you wrote this. Laura: So it’s called First Time Fostering. And I wrote it because a lot of people were asking for it. That was the start is everyone’s like, I binged all your videos, but I wish I could have this all written down. there’s so much in the comments, but like, how do I put it all together? And so I was like. you know, maybe I could do some blog posts, which I started doing. But then that became like another thing to look through and figure out and navigate. And I know that, new foster and kinship providers don’t have a lot of time. They’re in the weeds. And so I really wanted to get all of that. Rich information shared on my platform from the community all in one spot. And so that is the book. It’s everything compiled together into one place to support, new caregivers. Amy: I love that because the very first thing I think that you say in the book is this is a manual. You can read the whole thing through. You can just go by topic. And it is from the very beginning, it is so well organized that it’s truly like,okay, I need help with this specific topic. Okay, this page, bam. I love that. Laura: I really was just drawing from, what I’ve been doing online for, the last few years is people come to me for a very specific, like, oh, we haven’t been sleeping. what are we doing wrong? Or , what am I not thinking of? And so that was the thought process is okay, let’s just talk about maybe the pain point and go to that specific place of the book. I also, prefer books like that so I can find an answer quickly. Amy: The second I started reading, I was kinda laughing at myself because there’s so many books that people recommend to foster families and you’re like, cool, I have to read the 700 page book, and half of it is scientific language that I don’t know. your Book was not overwhelming, I loved. Laura: And I think there are so many books out there that support in different ways, right? It is important to understand child development, how trauma affects the brain, all of the different parenting methods and, therapeutic interventions. and so I did wanna create something that was different, I didn’t wanna replicate a lot of the great things already out there I wanted to add to it and create something different. Amy: I think you succeeded so beautifully. Laura: Thank you. I try to be practical and to the point. Amy: This is such an easily used book, people that are considering foster care, this is really what it looks like. I think what we’re gonna chat a little bit more today is these families that are licensed, maybe they’re waiting for their first placement, or maybe they have their first placement a few weeks in. How does this book help them now? Laura: And that is the goal, right? It’s the field guide. So here we are, we’re ready to go. we’re about to say yes, or we’ve just said yes. Now what? And my hope is that people will, take a bullet point here and there and feel confident as they navigate some of these brand new situations. And for me, I was a first time parent too. And so it was important for me to include. extra info for those of us who maybe don’t have that context and don’t understand, this whole other world of parenting that we’re just being introduced to for the first time. Amy: that’s so true. that was not how I came into foster parenting. I had parented for 12 plus years, and then brought in kids, and so I think. That’s a really good insight that you have into that because there are so many foster parents who have never parented before, and I wouldn’t have even considered that. So I love that you have that consideration and that perspective. Laura: Thank you. Amy: So let’s talk about when someone is like, I am in over my head. What am I doing? They grab your book. What should they do with that book? Laura: Okay. So if they’re already in a place where they’ve said yes, and they’re like in over their head, then I think going straight to part two, which is the middle of the book, the crux of the book, and that is all of the interventions and things you can do within your home, because that the end of the day, is what we can control. Amy: For sure. We’re not waiting on a therapist. We’re not waiting on this or that. Laura: Yeah, there’s so much of foster care and foster parenting that we have no control over, and it can be really frustrating and disheartening as well. And so I wanted to provide as much information as possible of things we can control. Which is our caregiving. It’s our day-to-day life with children in our home. And so what I would encourage someone to do if they’re feeling overwhelmed, is to go to part two. And, part two opens up some of the foundational parenting skills of foster parents where we talk about. I hate the word basics. I need a better word for that, but it’s the starting point of what we do. And that starts with, you know, points of connection, instilling trust and bonding with our kids and different ways to do that. And then, you could also go to a very specific place, maybe you’re struggling with finding foods that they will eat or they’re up a lot at night. You could go to that very specific chapter, to help you and brainstorm some fresh ideas if you’re stuck. Amy: tell us how you came up with all the different topics. Like you’re saying the, the section two has these tangible ways to help. How did you come up with those specific topics? Laura: I, spent many years listening to the community and there is definitely themes that come up and, in my previous career life I was in, consumer market research. I was a moderator and focus groups and qualitative research. And pulling insights from community members is something that I have naturally done professionally. And so it was very interesting to me to see. What was coming up over and over and over again. And I would even ask what’s the basic skill that you’re doing in your house every single day? And I would hear from thousands of people. And so it was really just narrowing down like this is the key things that people are talking about. And obviously grounded in my personal experiences too, things that I’m doing on a day-to-day basis. I would hear about all the different parts of the day, this is troubling. Or this kid’s experience neglect and it’s impacting. every part of the day with different nuances, and so I tried to break it through to just be as practical as possible to meet you in those moments. Like here we are at the dinner table, I’ve met you there. Here’s some things you can think about. Amy: I love in your book, and this is I think the majority of your Instagram as well, are these script or these narratives or these role playing essentially, where you show what the kid might be doing and then you show what the caregiver, how they would respond. And I think those are really invaluable because you can tell someone, Hey, this is what it could look like. But when actually read or hear or see. See on your Instagram, someone role playing. It just clicks a little more and gives you a little more confidence to engage in that. Laura: Yeah, I was a little worried if that would translate to the page because I think, to your point, seeing and hearing it, and so I really wanted to be as straightforward and direct as possible. And so I have listed a lot of scripting, starting points for caregivers. Just, if you’re entering this conversation for the very first time, here’s something you could maybe say, adapt it to your tone, the kid, the personality, all of that. I felt like that’s what caregivers needed and that’s what I needed. If I’m just being honest, Amy: Yeah, Laura: no, I, sometimes I do, but I still to this day will practice what I’m gonna say if I know this is gonna be tricky, or if something did not go as planned, like we had an issue, there was like an escalation and I didn’t respond in a way that was supportive to the kid. I sometimes will think about, okay, what could I say differently next time and practice that so that when that moment comes. I have it ready to go. And so I wanted to offer that to everyone, that read my book and I do offer it online as well, of something just to start with or just to try differently next time. it might be more supportive because, all of these hundreds of people have said this is really what was the thing that helped them in that moment. Amy: I know for me personally, I had an experience, not even foster care related, but a few months ago it was like, I got put in this really. Difficult situation and I just froze and I didn’t know what to do and I had to reach out to my friends and say, this is what just happened. What should I do? And they told me. And then the next day I was like. I knew that answer, but I couldn’t do it in moment ’cause I was so overwhelmed at the time. And that’s exactly what your book can offer is sure, I know how to handle kids at bedtime, but for some reason I can’t remember right now and I just need to go read an example of what I should say and Laura: Yeah. Or even just to confirm you’re on the right path too. Like , things take time, especially for kids who are new to our home. but even if they’re not, like things change, things happen and we have to show up again and again and again, and it takes a lot of time. To build trust, and then obviously,if things change in the case or something happens with their parents or at school or friends or whatever, that changes a lot of the interventions you do. But I hear you and I feel the same way sometimes. I’m like, I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know, like what I should be doing. And sometimes you just need a little brainstorm session and that’s that’s what it is. My book is just. Bullet point list if I’m being direct, like it’s just a list of okay, here’s the brainstorm. What resonates, what could work? What haven’t you tried? maybe this nuance could unlock something different. Amy: I made a list of like my favorite of your book, or maybe what I hadn’t thought about. I fostered for four years, and some of the things I was like, oh my gosh, that’s such a good idea. So if you’re okay with would love to just just to give people a taste of what is in there, so one of the first ones is, I loved this. I did not do this at all. Never even thought about it. And such a good idea. so that is that you give a sample email to family and friends, Hey, we’re going to be fostering. Hey, you might see new kids with us. Hey, don’t ask these dumb questions. you say it much kinder, but that’s how I would say it. I never did that. I never forewarned people Laura: yeah. we can’t,expect everyone to know if we don’t know what to do or say, Certainly our friends and family may also not know, and honestly, it comes from some trial and error. I know for me. I did send an email out, but I didn’t always address everything specifically, and then things came up and like after I was like, oh, we should probably talk about that later when the kids aren’t around. I think a lot of people are facing these like friction points with friends and family, all from a place of goodness and care and wanting to just engage in the process, which is. Great. I’d never wanna shut people out, sure there’s privacy, but we can’t foster alone. We have to let our friends and family in and make them a part of the experience in order for this to be sustainable. And so I’m glad that part stood out to you. I hope that helps other people kind of get things rolling. Amy: Yeah, because I remember the very first week, our very first placement, she was a teenager. I took her to a youth group that I ran, did not warn any of these youth that I was bringing a new teen with me that lived with me.And one of the other youth was like, wait, why does she live with you? Laura: I was like, um, you know, just and I said something stupid who wouldn’t wanna live with me? I like that. Humor’s a big, we’re like deflecting or just like sidestepping. That is a part of what we Amy: But how much better would it have been if I educated that youth group, like what our family dynamic may look like in future, and gave them that opportunity to learn before I brought kids Laura: Yeah,can also, take it and, depending on the age of the youth is align on the story with them too. So they know what they’re walking into. Like who do they think I am? what do they think of this situation? Or what’s the story that I want out there? And I think that can be a really great place to start because of course our kids are with us and in community with us, and we want that. And I think getting everyone aligned is a really important part. Amy: Yeah, it is. So I loved that. I loved that aspect that you shared. some of the other things that I loved,going along with that, you share actual ways to respond to inappropriate questions, which I loved. Because like me, once again, I’m gonna just say something’s stupid, but Laura: which is But it’s helpful for people like me that either don’t know or didn’t think of it and just oh, that is such a great response. So simple. But I didn’t think of that. So those types of responses definitely are crowdsourced and, community members along the way have shared like, oh, this is how I usually say it. And I’m like, oh, that is much better than what I said, put it in the list. And I think that, in all of that sharing of experiences, we can really, refine what we’re doing, what we’re saying, and how we’re communicating things. because I definitely have also not responded, or I’ll just freeze, to what you said earlier. Amy: Sometimes you’re just really caught off guard, like, why would you even ask that? Laura: Oh, I didn’t think of that even being a comment or question, and I, I’m not sure. Amy: Yeah. And it’s also refreshing to know all people are asking dumb questions. Like you say, people are for the most part, good intention, but all foster parents and kids in foster care are getting some dumb questions or inappropriate questions, Laura: inappropriate and insensitive or just, people have a lack of awareness and knowledge and, that’s, aside from kind of the work with this book and everything, I do have a broader community that comes to my page just to learn about what is foster care. And there’s a lot of just preconceived notions and just like myths and things that, that people don’t understand. there’s a lot to learn. A, everyone is learning. We’re still Amy: Exactly, and even foster parents are like, oh, wow, had no idea that’s what this entailed or that’s what I was gonna be doing. I love that. some of the other things I loved that you don’t only just. Have this amazing book, but you also share great apps and other books and resources, and a lot of them I hadn’t heard of. There’s a lot of the traditional ones that I think many foster parents are rolled out, and it’s, ingrained for us to read and participate with. But you had a lot of good ones that I hadn’t even heard of yet, and Laura: Oh, thank you. Yeah, I try to include like resources, shopping lists, checklists, things to, that I’ve collected along the way too, because how can one person know everything? I think. That’s what makes foster care so tough. And I’ve even had, workers reach out and be like, what was that thing that you sent me the other day? it’s hard to keep track of all of those resources and details, so I’m glad there were some new ones on the list. I’m constantly finding new things too. Amy: It just gives people what they need. They can look at the resources and say, yeah, this one helps me, or No, this one But it gives them, instead of them having to do a lot of it gives those tools, which everyone needs, but especially foster parents need. Laura: I find that, Google searching or asking like an AI chat bot, the information is not great. And, I think the best source of information is obviously professionals and the team, but other individuals going through it because like I said, you can’t know everything. It is impossible there’s so much out there to help knowing is half the battle. That’s part of the problem with the system is, it’s hard to understand it all. Amy: It is really hard and it’s hard to know what to do before things come up or during things come up or after. Like it is, information can be overwhelming and it also can be lacking. You can also be so uninformed sometimes that you don’t know of different options Laura: I didn’t know to even ask that question. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. It’s Amy: right, Exactly. okay, this one I really

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