
GAYDHD with EMMA WILLMANN
23. I Spent 17 Years as a Lesbian Before I Figured It Out with James Tom
Comedian, actor, and producer James Tom joins Emma for a funny, deep, and genuinely moving conversation about spending 17 years in the wrong pool before finding his way home. James traces the whole arc: 13 years in the Girl Scouts, coming out at 14 and going all in, women's college, starting testosterone right before the pandemic on a hunch about his future career, and the Fire Island trip that quietly rearranged his entire sense of himself. They get into the spiritual difference between a butch lesbian and a twink, the crossed wires of being attracted to (and attractive to) people who were picking up on something you couldn't see yet, why transition is less an event than just getting older, reward-based brains and candy at funerals, and how a relationship can become a way to avoid sitting with yourself. Plus a shared love of porn talk, true crime, and reading Am I the Asshole first thing in the morning to feel normal.

