Episode #40
40. Craig - 7 years old - Two Homes, But No Home. The Father He Had, The Father He Became.
I feel honored to have heard this difficult story from a man who has made a beautiful life for himself and his family, much different than the way he was raised. Craig was seven years old when the divorce hit. What followed was a childhood spent between two homes that were hard in very different ways — and often left him feeling like he had no real home in either. His father was mean, angry, quick to temper, and often behaved in ways that weren't appropriate for a young boy. And yet: at Dad's house, Craig could ride dirt bikes, fish, do the "boy stuff" his soul was hungry for. So he wanted to be there. And he wanted to leave. Both, at the same time. His mother remarried a man Craig could never quite relate to — and his mother herself was difficult at times. There was, in short, no consistent father figure in either home. Over the years, Craig's coaches became the closest thing he had to one, and he had no real-life model for what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. He describes his sisters and mother as loud; he describes himself as quiet. He often felt like an outcast in his own home. The pull between wanting his dad and needing to protect himself from his dad is the ache that shaped everything. It was manageable-ish while everyone was in the same region. Then his father moved to Northern California, and Craig had to give up his summers to see him — until he no longer wanted to. The relationship narrowed to phone calls, and his father was skilled at guilt-tripping across the line. When Craig finally stood up for himself as a senior in high school, it created a real rift. His father missed his high school graduation. There was a brief attempt at reconnection when Craig was in college up north; it didn't last. His father wasn't at his wedding. His father doesn't really know Craig's wife or their children. Craig speaks openly about the confusing mix that so many adult children carry: wanting a parent to be the parent, while confronting the hard truth that the person cannot safely be that. He and his father have had constant ups and downs, and it has never become anything more substantial than that. What this episode is really about, though — and what makes it worth every minute — is the gift Craig has made from all of it: he has become an extraordinarily loving, present, and involved father to his two sons. He communicates. He shows up. He is, in every measurable way, the father he needed and didn't get. That is the resolution — not with his own dad, but with the boys who now call him Dad. Craig's book recommendation: A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck. In Between Them is a podcast about what it really feels like to grow up between two homes — hosted by Shannon Darrow, divorce coach and mediator, featuring honest conversations with people about what their parents' divorce shaped, broke, and built in them. Have a question, a story to share, or interested in being a guest? Reach Shannon directly at sdarrow@onward-mc.com . Follow the show on Instagram @inbetweenthempod, and if this episode resonated, please rate and review In Between Them on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it's the single most helpful thing you can do to help other adult children of divorce find the show.
