Episode #45
Ep.45 Why successful people find it so hard to spend their money
Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Steve is joined again by Jess, the podcast's resident psychologist, to look at the strange irony at the heart of a lot of financial planning: the very habits that get people wealthy in the first place frugality, self-denial, careful choices are exactly the habits that stop them enjoying the life those savings were meant to buy. Jess has a name for it: FEDS - Financial Permission Deficit Syndrome. It isn't clinical. It isn't in a textbook. But Steve sees it every week in the office, and Jess sees it every week in her practice: people who have more than enough money, who know it's fine to spend, and still can't bring themselves to do it. This episode looks at where that habit comes from, why the numbers on a spreadsheet often can't fix it, and the small tools people can use to give themselves permission to actually enjoy what they've built. In this conversation, you'll hear about: Jess's made-up-but-accurate diagnosis: FEDS, or Financial Permission Deficit Syndrome The great irony of financial planning: the habits that get you wealthy are the ones that stop you enjoying it Why nobody ever set money aside thinking "I'll save this so I can never spend it", and why drawing down should feel like paying yourself a salary you earned earlier Muscle memory, identity and the tribal "how we do things around here" that shapes 50 years of spending patterns Inheritance guilt: how careful parents can leave children too anxious to enjoy what they've been left Loss vs gain framing: why "spending £4,000 on a holiday" hits differently to "gaining a family memory" Scarcity stories from childhood ("money doesn't grow on trees") that stick in your head like worms decades later, whispering "you don't deserve it" The five things money is actually for: security, freedom, experiences, relationships and making a difference and the sixth thing (more money) that Jess and Steve say does not belong on that list once you already have enough Jess's regrets about turning down GB kayaking training and an England basketball tournament in Italy because anxiety got in the way Steve's Machu Picchu regret the trip with a mate at 23 he turned down for a settee that's now sitting at his mother-in-law's The financial fix: showing people the numbers year after year and why that often still isn't enough Steve's "forfeit" trick pay yourself more, and if you don't spend it, buy him an ice cream Jess's "joy budget" idea pair the boring budget (Wi-Fi, water, electric) with one for horses in Morocco, super-fast cars, breakfasts out, and shows with friends Key takeaway: Steve and Jess's argument is that money that never gets spent isn't wealth it's just numbers on a spreadsheet that quietly follow you to the grave. Life is not a rehearsal, money is a tool, and the mistake usually isn't spending too much on the holiday, the horse-riding, the cowboy hoedown, or the friend's round at the pub. The mistake is the one you never take. Notice the scarcity story you're still carrying, question whether it still applies, and give yourself the permission you've spent 50 years earning. Fill your cup up. Then fill someone else's.
