
Episode #38
How to Grow Together Without Losing Yourself | Guests: Greg & Erin Smalley
This week on Marriage on the Daily , Julie B. is joined by longtime friends and marriage experts Greg and Erin Smalley for an honest, practical conversation about what it really takes to build a healthy marriage over time. Greg serves as Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family, while Erin is a therapist in private practice—and together they’ve spent decades helping couples strengthen their relationships. Greg and Erin open up about the rocky beginning of their own marriage and the baggage they each brought with them. From Greg’s deep fear of failure to Erin’s struggle with feeling “not good enough,” they explain how unresolved wounds and tender spots from the past can quietly shape the way couples react to one another. Their encouragement: become aware of your own “stuff,” stay curious about what’s happening beneath the surface, and keep choosing growth. The conversation also tackles one of the biggest misconceptions about marriage—the idea that “two becoming one” means losing your individuality. Greg and Erin explain why a healthy marriage makes room for three things to flourish: you, your spouse, and the relationship you share. They talk about supporting one another’s dreams, honoring differences, and creating a marriage where both people have a voice and room to become who God created them to be. Julie, Greg, and Erin also explore power struggles, control, conflict, and the importance of remembering that most hurts in marriage aren’t intentional. Instead of assuming the worst, couples can extend grace, ask better questions, and even use humor to reset when things get tense. To close, Erin challenges couples to spend just 10 minutes a day checking in at a deeper level—asking how their spouse is really doing and what’s weighing on them. Greg adds that you can’t give what you don’t have, so learning how to rest, recharge, and care for yourself is also an important part of caring for your marriage. If you’ve ever wondered how to stay connected without losing yourself, how to navigate your differences, or how to keep growing together through changing seasons, this episode offers practical encouragement for building a marriage where both people—and the relationship itself—can truly flourish.





