Now What Therapy
What Do You Actually Want? How to Start Investing in Yourself
When was the last time you asked yourself what you actually want? Not what your kids need. Not what your partner needs. Not what your boss needs. Not what the house needs. What do you want to be different in your life right now? In this episode of Now What , therapist Amy Neufeld is talking about why we can want something to change for years and still never actually do anything about it—and why investing time, money or energy in ourselves somehow always seems to feel optional. Follow Amy! @amyneufeldtherapy Learn more about Amy Neufeld. www.amyneufeldtherapy.com Fall and back-to-school season naturally bring a shift in routines. Schedules change. Kids go back to school or head off to college. Life starts to feel a little more structured again. And while Amy is definitely NOT suggesting that you use September to reinvent your entire life, she does think it's a pretty good opportunity to notice where all of your resources are going. Your time. Your money. Your attention. Your energy. And whether any of them are actually going toward you. Because somehow, give us three extra hours and within seven minutes we've decided to clean the garage, organize everyone's closets or make a dentist appointment for another adult who is fully capable of making their own dentist appointment. We are very, very good at filling our lives with things that need to be done for other people. But there's a difference between caring for the people in your life and arranging your entire life so that you're always the last person considered. Why Is It So Hard to Invest in Yourself? Amy sees this especially clearly when it comes to money. Spending money on our kids? No problem. They need shoes, something for school or some bizarre thing that has apparently become a basic human necessity because everyone else their age owns one? Put it in the cart. But buy something for ourselves? Suddenly we're conducting a full financial audit. Do I really need it? Is there a cheaper one? Can I wait? Couldn't I just do this myself? And sometimes the answer should absolutely be no. This isn't an episode encouraging you to spend money you don't have or buy every expensive pair of very soft pajamas you encounter. But Amy wants you to notice when spending money on yourself automatically gets categorized as unnecessary. Because sometimes spending money on yourself isn't indulgent. It's an investment. Maybe it's therapy. Maybe it's a trainer because you know you do better with accountability. Maybe it's taking a class, investing in your health, buying equipment you actually need, paying for help with something you hate doing or finally putting resources behind a project you've been talking about forever. The question isn't simply whether you want something. It's whether you're willing to take what you want seriously. Wanting Something and Investing in It Are Two Different Things Amy is currently getting ready to launch a new program she's been working on around changing your relationship with food, your body and yourself. And creating it has made her think a lot about the difference between these two questions: Do I want this? And: Am I willing to invest in myself enough to do something about it? We can want to feel better and keep saying maybe later. We can want to get stronger but not want to spend the money. We can desperately want to change a pattern but decide we'll try to figure it out ourselves first. And sometimes figuring it out yourself makes perfect sense. But sometimes “I'll figure it out myself” becomes another way of staying exactly where you are. You Don't Need to Reinvent Your Life This isn't about creating a new vision board. You don't need a five-year plan. You don't need to journal for four hours. You don't need to discover your life's purpose before lunch. Start with one question: What do I want to be different? Pick one thing. Your health. Your body. Your work. Your relationship. Your friendships. Your finances. Your schedule. Your sleep. Your day-to-day life. Then ask: What would it look like if I actually took this seriously? Maybe it requires money. Maybe it requires time. Maybe you need to say no to something else. Maybe you need help. Or maybe you simply need to admit that this thing matters to you—and that you matter enough to do something about it. Your Now What This week, Amy wants you to ask yourself two questions: What do I want to be different? And: What would it look like to actually take that seriously? That's it. You don't need to overhaul your entire life because fall is coming. But as routines change and schedules shift, take a look at where your time, money, attention and energy are going. And ask yourself whether you want some of them to go toward you. Not because you've earned it by doing enough for everyone else. Not because you've finally checked everything off your list. Because you're a person in your own life, too. And you're worth investing in. Stay curious. Amy's got you next week. In This Episode Amy talks about why we put ourselves last without even realizing it, how back-to-school season can create an opportunity to reassess our routines, why wanting change isn't the same as investing in change, the guilt that can come with spending money on ourselves, how “I'll figure it out myself” can sometimes keep us stuck, and the two simple questions that can help you decide what you actually want next. 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