P.S. We Expire with Morgan Motsinger
Ep101: Medical Trauma, Reactive Attachment, and the Thrive Framework with Hilary "HARTT" Thompson
In this episode, I sit down with Hilary "HARTT" Thompson, CTSS — mom to a pediatric heart transplant recipient, founder of a support community of nearly 3,000 heart transplant families, and creator of the Thrive Framework — for a conversation that gutted me open in the best way. Hilary's daughter Shiloh has survived four open-heart surgeries, a transplant at age two, seven bouts of necrotizing enterocolitis, and years of procedures that — however necessary — left a mark no discharge paperwork warned her about: reactive attachment disorder. We talk about what happens when a baby's earliest experience of "being cared for" is also pain, and what it took, over more than a decade, to rebuild trust between a mother and a daughter neither of them chose to almost lose. We move through the neuroscience of trauma and the amygdala's "worst-case-scenario Bob," the Work of Byron Katie and the four questions that let you interrogate a painful thought instead of just believing it, why the opposite of resentment isn't forgiveness but compassion, and how Hilary built the Thrive Framework — Triage, Humanize, Restore, Include, Visualize, Evaluate — to give physicians and caregivers a shared language for treating the whole child, not just the diagnosis. We also talk honestly about the particular kind of guilt that shows up when you learn, years later, that something you did to save your child's life also hurt them; about the myth that kids are simply "resilient"; and about the small, sacred moments — the swing set, the trust rebuilt one blood draw at a time — that make up what Hilary calls a "sweet season." If you're parenting a medically complex child, have sat in a hospital room making decisions with incomplete information, or have ever felt like you don't have a choice in how brutal your life feels — this one is for you. Topics we cover: Perspective as a practiced skill, not a fixed trait Neuroplasticity and re-training the brain after decades of trauma The Work of Byron Katie — four questions to question a painful thought Why compassion, not forgiveness, is the real end point of resentment Medical trauma as an unrecognized adverse childhood experience Reactive attachment disorder in medically complex kids — how common it actually is, and why it's almost never diagnosed The Thrive Framework: Triage, Humanize, Restore, Include, Visualize, Evaluate Giving kids agency during painful procedures Self-care as "taking care of the pilot," not an indulgence Hilary's book, Dear Mama in the Darkness Resources mentioned: The Work of Byron Katie Listen by Patti Wipfler Dear Mama in the Darkness by Hilary "HARTT" Thompson Find Hilary: Instagram: @hartt.2.hartt Facebook: /hilarywithhartt LinkedIn: /hilarywithhartt http://theharttcollaborative.com Find Morgan: https://www.instagram.com/morgan_motsinger/ https://www.morganmotsinger.com/ https://www.morganmotsinger.com/speaking
