
Episode #15
Advocating For Dads Part II - David Pisarra
Episode Overview In Part II of this conversation, family law attorney David Pisarra delves deeper into the power dynamics that fathers face in and out of the courtroom. David breaks down why the power imbalance often starts before a dad says a single word to a judge, how cultural narratives about "deadbeat dads" shape court outcomes, and what internal tools men need to stay grounded when everything is falling apart. He introduces the concept of the "accusation audit," explains how language shifts, such as moving from "my child" to "our child," can reshape a judge's perception, and shares why presumptive 50/50 custody is the single legal reform he believes would change family court overnight. The episode closes with a rare, unguarded reflection on what 25 years of this work has cost David personally β and why he keeps doing it. POWER IN THE COURTROOM 0:00 β Podcast intro 0:19 β Host welcomes David Pisarra back for Part II 0:39 β Where does the power actually sit when a father walks into court for the first time? 0:50 β David: "Usually with mom" β she arrives with an encyclopedia; he arrives wanting access to his kids 1:11 β The role of revenge and high-conflict custody battles in fueling family court proceedings 1:46 β Why demonstrating any anger in court can be instantly weaponized against a father CULTURAL NARRATIVES & THE DEADBEAT DAD MYTH 2:16 β How the "deadbeat dad" and "absent father" narratives follow men into court 2:39 β David's reality check: 70β80% of divorces are straightforward; high-conflict cases are the exception 3:03 β The stat that reframes everything: 80% of divorces are filed by women 3:37 β Judges do see through the narrative β and the deadbeat dad is not the majority 3:50 β "I've had many men tell me: I would pay double if I could see my kids more" INTERNAL POWER β STAYING GROUNDED UNDER PRESSURE 4:00 β How David coaches one-on-one clients: "Your job is to sit there. Stone face. No emotion." 4:26 β Dad's Law School VIP program: preparing self-represented fathers for what's coming 4:40 β The "accusation audit" β Chris Voss / Never Split the Difference applied to family court 5:03 β Real example: the NASA engineer, 23 drug tests, and responding to false accusations with evidence KEEPING THE CHILD AT THE CENTER 5:37 β Why David rewrites declarations to center the child's perspective, not the father's grievance 6:01 β The language shift from "my child" to "our child" and what it signals to a judge 6:26 β Why David now tries to avoid guardian ad litem and minors' counsel 6:45 β The triangulation problem: how a narcissistic or BPD parent can co-opt a guardian ad litem WHY DAVID BUILT DAD'S LAW SCHOOL 7:00 β "Dad is nothing but a Thanksgiving turkey being carved up" β the financial gauntlet fathers face 7:27 β The cost breakdown: child support, anger management, batterers' intervention, monitored visitation, spousal support β all at once 8:59 β David gets thousands of requests for help a year and can't help everyone for free 9:21 β The middle ground: online courses in custody action plans, discovery, evidence, contempt 9:47 β "If I can teach a dad to write a decent declaration and use his text messages in court, maybe I can get him more time with his kids" 10:01 β The starfish story β "I can't save them all, but I can save this one" THE 125,000-DAD COMMUNITY 10:25 β Who is David's social media community? Dads trapped in the family court nightmare 10:43 β "Every other weekend isn't enough to raise a child or be a father figure" 11:05 β The messages David receives that keep him going: "I was going to kill myself, but I won in court" 11:20 β Why family law can make you cynical β and why David fights that pull DWAYNE'S PERSONAL STORY β WHEN CO-PARENTING WORKS 11:45 β Dwayne shares his parents' divorce and the long-term impact on his family 12:09 β Dwayne's blended family: he and his stepson's father now have beers together; both families co-parent around the grandkids 12:53 β "We've done a disservice to our kids β not mom's fault, not dad's fault, holistically" 13:19 β Schools, churches, and courts taking on burdens they weren't designed for SYSTEMIC CHANGE β THE ONE REFORM THAT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING 14:47 β The erosion of personal responsibility globally β and children paying the price 15:01 β David's warning: before you marry a woman who has a child, watch how she treats that child's father 15:47 β The one thing David would change: presumptive 50/50 custody 16:04 β States already doing it: Missouri, Florida, Kansas β and the result is fewer divorces and less acrimony 16:39 β Dwayne's real-world 50/50 experience: two-on/two-off/five-on schedule; now all four parental figures share grandkid birthday parties 17:44 β How the presumption of 50/50 removes the "I win, you lose" dynamic from court ADVICE FOR DADS & HOW TO FIND DAVID 17:48 β First thing David tells a dad who just got served: breathe β this is a long battle 18:02 β The reality of family court delay: 20 cases a day on a 5-hour docket 18:30 β Time can heal β and for the 80% in normal cases, it gets better 18:43 β For high-conflict cases: get a lawyer, get a support group, and don't do anything stupid now that will follow you 19:07 β How to find David: dadslawschool.com β VIP program, book, group coaching 19:23 β The new "War Room" program: 4-week intensive, 10 dads at a time, for men with a hearing coming up 19:43 β Social media: @dadslawschool on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and yes, even Pinterest FINAL REFLECTION β WHAT 25 YEARS COSTS 19:54 β Dwayne's closing question: what has 25 years of this work done to you β and what has it cost you personally? 20:44 β David: "It's made me more aware of how great men really are and how poorly we're treated in society" 21:02 β The cost: stress, health, a cardiologist who can back him up, and moments of deep cynicism 21:28 β "I see a lot of darkness. I try not to tip into that very toxic, very negative mindset β it's great for ratings, but it's not healthy" 22:02 β Dwayne connects through his own work in workplace investigations: "We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost" β Rush 22:47 β Dwayne's closing: thanks to Sheral Devaughn and Gary Barnes for the introduction; children are our most precious asset 23:39 β Podcast outro β visit shiftingthepowerbalance.com Resources & Links David Pisarra β LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidpisarra Dad's Law School: dadslawschool.com Shifting the Power Balance Podcast: shiftingthepowerbalance.com This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes and does not constitute an attorney-client relationship or legal advice. The views expressed by guests don't necessarily reflect those of the host(s).






