Episode #13
Why Being "Too Nice" Can Be a Survival Strategy
Not every survival strategy looks like fighting back or running away. Sometimes it looks like befriending the person who's hurting you. This episode covers the last two mixed states: appease (safety plus flight/fight plus shutdown — all three primary states at once) and fawn (flight/fight plus shutdown, but without safety). What separates a hostage using social skills to stay alive from someone disappearing inside an abusive home. Why both states likely require significant dissociation to survive. And where I personally land on how much weight these two deserve as actual Polyvagal Theory mixed states, versus maybe something else entirely. This is Episode 13 of the Stuck Not Broken audiobook — Book 1, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm; full series in the playlist. ️ More on Fawn & Appease as maybe not mixed states: https://youtu.be/4vTXTEF47pQ New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you: Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband. ✅ Crisis resources: National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for an emergency This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147). Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)
