Episode #59
LUKE BURGIS: Discerning What You Actually Want
Most ambition advice is about how to reach the top of the mountain. Luke Burgis points out that many of us have an upstream problem: we’re climbing a mountain we don’t actually care about. Michael and Megan sit down with Burgis, a Wall Street suit turned entrepreneur turned philosopher, father, and author of several books on desire. They unpack why not all desires are created equal, how to unearth the ones that lead to real satisfaction, and what the monastic tradition offers those of us who will never be monks. This conversation gives you a way to separate what you actually want from the noise of mimetic desire. Memorable Quotes “Ambition without a sense of self or a differentiation of self is just a highly sophisticated form of conformity.” “You can get really good at achieving goals without wondering whether they’re the right goals in the first place.” “A simple exercise is just: Name the models of your desire. Who are the people who have given you your own desires?” “One of the easiest ways to kind of determine whether a desire is thin or thick is: Does it persist through different seasons of life, through different environments, through different friend groups, through different relationships?” “A lot of people go straight to productivity and organization… before asking the most important question: Should I even be trying to integrate this at all?” “Each person has an unrepeatable calling, something that only they can do with their unique history and situation and context. I think our thickest desire is oriented towards living out of a personal vocation... Thick desire is a signpost to a calling which can be lived out in and through our work.” “Being in communion means learning how to be a differentiated self with a calling while also being part of something bigger. And sometimes that creates a little bit of tension, and our instinct is to flee any form of tension or any anxiety. And I think there’s a lot to be learned from sitting in the tension to be a part and to be oneself.” “Which kinds of communities and groups flatten any kind of distinctiveness? And which ones actually allow people to evolve and to be part of the whole, or to be part of the body without demanding that they be something that they’re not, or demanding that they sacrifice their integrity?” Key Takeaways Your Ambition Might Be Borrowed. Mimetic desire means we absorb what we want from the people we watch. Whose careers do you track closely, with mixed feelings? Naming our models of desire creates helpful distance for effective discernment. Thin Desires Are Short-Lived. We might feel thin desires strongly, but they erode when the context shifts. A thick desire persists across seasons, relationships, and jobs. Write down what you want, then wait: Is the desire durable? The Tension of Communion. Being in communion requires being a differentiated self and participating in the larger whole—which creates an enduring, unresolvable tension. We must have the courage to decide who we will be without fleeing or falling into crowd instinct. Every Check Comes with Terms. A financially sound decision can still be the wrong one if it commits you to work you don’t believe in. When there’s money on the line, weigh the funder’s desires for alignment with your own before you agree to terms. You Might Need a Rule. There’s a reason the Rule of Saint Benedict has governed communal life for fifteen hundred years. Setting your own rules of engagement within your organization or just for yourself can equip you to navigate complex situations before you’re in the middle of one. Discernment is a Community Endeavor. Blind spots are invisible from the inside. Recruit the people closest to you—whether within formal groups or informal relationships—to offer feedback on complex decisions. (But be sure to filter for communities that invite you to become yourself rather than requiring conformity.) Resources Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion by Luke Burgis Unrepeatable: Cultivating the Unique Calling of Every Person by Luke Burgis and Joshua Miller lukeburgis.com The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich LifeFocus This episode was produced by Sarah Vorhees Wendel of VW Sound
