The Jambalaya School Newsletter

Jambalaya Grade School is exactly how you remember life at your own school—the school mascot died sort of tragically, and then so did the next mascot, and the next; 4th grade recess devolved into a gang war, fulfilling an ancient prophecy etched into the bottom of the playground slide; the kindergarten classroom caught fire, marking the 8th year-in-a-row—the usual stuff you repressed from your chilhood. We sure get some wacky sponsors, too. Oh, and the Vice Principal plays a parody song each episode! Believe me, you've never listened to a podcast like this.

The Jambalaya School Newsletter is a arts podcast hosted by Unknown Host, with 0 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80. PitchCentric scores this show on Booking Probability, Listen Score, and live audience signals refreshed every 24 hours.

Unknown Host hosts The Jambalaya School Newsletter, a arts show with 0 episodes published.

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  Episode #6

  26| Treat Your Body Like a Temple (of Doom)

  Aug 18, 202628 minS3

  We're halfway through the school year, and the Human Resources Human has really pushed my buttons. Today, I am shedding some light on the tragedy involving the Magnifying Glass Club. The chemistry lab explosion goes to show that 'science' and 'getting to second base' SHOULD REMAIN MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. Say, people listen to this show live, right? Today we go back into Jambalaya history and learn about a mascot who lives in legend and a gerbil who carried the basketball team to many victories. Let's all take the plunge to learn about our new lunch lads and ladies! Substitute teacher Mr Chungus will be gone for a while; I know I'm not taking care of his cats in his absence. Thank you to Harlot's Web and Rice Krispie Threats for sponsoring—not Budweiser :( The music for this episode was performed by Nothings. Find more excellently produced tunes at Nothings.bandcamp.com This month Vice Principal Mr Jonesandmi performed Arms Down at My Waist, a parody of Eyes Without a Face by Billy Idol. Lyrics: You're in the ER, hit by a fast car. It dragged you really far. Your open eyes now see the only one here is me. You feel very lonely. You extend your arms; it's setting off alarms. I just clench my palms. (Bras le long du corps) With my arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) With arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) Arms down at my waist. You won't feel my embrace with arms down at my waist. Grandma wants a hug; she needs a cheek to tug and plant a kiss on my mug. Reluctant embrace—I feel so out of place—I threw up on her face. (Bras le long du corps) With my arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) With arms down at my waist. (Bras le long du corps) Arms down at my waist. Your chest can't get a taste with my arms down at my waist. When there's something tragic, you lose your grip, falling off your bicycle and bite a lip. Get a scar, suffer lost wages—ooo—blood in your stool. Holding out your arms real wide while my two arms at by my side. Sporting a frown—wooo. Lost all savings on a bad investing tip, something running down your leg when you let one rip. You want a hug, but I don't care, so shoot a glare; life ain't fair; I'll only hug you on a dare. My torso is chaste, these biceps go to waste; this chest is an empty space. Another's body heat—a foreign concept to me—I hear it can't be beat. (Bras entrelacés) With my arms around your waist. (Bras entrelacés) Your arms around my waist. (Bras entrelacés) My arms below your waist. I feel your soft embrace. We're intertwined like lace. I have no more complaints with your arms around my waist. Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience.

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  Episode #5

  25| Mason Sprunk Ran With Scissors

  Jul 30, 202625 minS3

  That Jambalaya Hors D'oeuvres versus the Marzipan Almond Slivers game really crumbled apart, didn't it? If you're still crying over the spilt milk, wait until you hear who drowned in it. It was an honor hosting the President of 'Merica—I'm so happy that all those secret service agents stuck around. Hold your horses for this gripping story: ASB elections were held, and I'm still grasping the fact that Raymond Fiddlehorn clenched victory. The Claw Machine of Confiscated Contraband is a big hit with staff and amphibian aficionados alike. Plus: the upcoming Spelling Bee, an update on the color of the cafeteria milk, and a school club full of blow hards. Food Court and Pabst Brown Ribbon Beer sponsored this episode, as well as Budweiser. The music for this episode was performed by Seaisforcarlo. You can listen to all of his hypnotic tracks at seaisforcarlo.bandcamp.com This month's parody song is Kart of Mario. Lyrics: Koopa Troopa Beach, I'm catching some waves. Go kart racing along the sea. Scuttling pincers snapping toward me. The locals sure are crabby. When he sees me cruising, turtle shells he's loosing. That Italian plumber acts so vile. But it's when he comes towing red shells with him, he sends me to the junkyard pile. They say the Kart of Mario can't be beaten. And from these mushrooms he's been eatin', goes so fast that Peach thinks he's cheatin'. And the Kart of Mario, the Kart of Mario's undefeated. DK's Jungle Parkway, I let it rip. I'm pelted from coconut trees. Speed on ice past the sexy penguin girls sliding on their bellies. How is it I'm losing when I'm always boosting? Mario simply flies right past. Followed closely through Wario Stadium—did that Yoshi just lick me in the ? They say the Kart of Mario can't be beaten. Endless turtle shells he is yeetin'. I don't find thrown bananas appealing. And the Kart of Mario, the Kart of Mario is still beeping. Mama mia! Banshee Boardwalk has got me tumblin' down. Boosting on Rainbow Road. Yoshi Valley. Kalimari Desert. Eatin' Choco Mountain à la mode. How can I not use it? How could I refuse it? A blue shell covered in sharp spikes. Watch it lock on to that first place jackass. Too bad I'm hit by lightning strikes. Mother fu-fu-fu-fu-fu- They say the Kart of Mario can't be beaten. Give me star power, I am pleadin'. As his brother I'm really mistreated. But the Kart of Mario, now the Kart of Mario is defeated. Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience.

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  Episode #4

  24| The Cafeteria Corrupts

  Jun 24, 202626 minS3

  Cafeteria workers cannot be trusted, regardless of their casserole knowledge. Two quarters can net you a questionable prize from the claw machine of confiscated contraband. Exciting mascot(s) news! The mail room has a new, warty staff member. Cat got your tongue? Get in line, buddy. Thanks to our sponsors, A Comprehensive List of Animals I Regularly Punch in the Face by Ann Hammerfist, and Regurgitade. Music for this episode was performed by Mosscrotch. Find their full album at Mosscrotch.bandcamp.com This month's parody song is Oh MacGyver, a silly version of Holy Diver by Dio. Lyrics: Oh Macgyver, won't you save me from this laboratory? Chocolate will stop this acid leak. Swiss Army Knifer, hasn't fired a gun except in episode 1. Boy, that was quickly retconned. He's never frightened. Against an army, he won't abandon you, squishing ant sunder his shoe. Cook out! See him transforming things that don't explode into things that now explode, inconveniencing his foes. Gotta build a plane out of sticks and hay. Beneath the mullet lies a sensitive man who feels. I'm not saying he cries, but that hairdo could conceal... tears! Oh Macgyver, rolling mop buckets into laser gates. Watch them discombobulate. Zap! Zap! Stealing disguises, blending in with guards to remain unseen—he's low-key sabotaging. Oh Macgyver, living in a houseboat along the sea, has no living progeny. Or does he? Quite the fighter—with a single strike you'll be knocked out clean. Freeze frame, fade out while smiling. Gotta find a way; help me to escape; I'd appreciate if you'd unlock this gate. Oh Macgyver, hold me tighter. Kiss you on the cheek. Oh Macgyver, mountain climber, there's an Axminster dude coming after you, oh Macgyver. Oh Macgyverrr... Angus! Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience.

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  Episode #4

  24| The Cafeteria Corrupts

  Jun 24, 202626 minS3

  Cafeteria workers cannot be trusted, regardless of their casserole knowledge. Two quarters can net you a questionable prize from the claw machine of confiscated contraband. Exciting mascot(s) news! The mail room has a new, warty staff member. Cat got your tongue? Get in line, buddy. Thanks to our sponsors, A Comprehensive List of Animals I Regularly Punch in the Face by Ann Hammerfist, and Regurgitade. Music for this episode was performed by Mosscrotch. Find their full album at Mosscrotch.bandcamp.com<br /> This month's parody song is Oh MacGyver, a silly version of Holy Diver by Dio. Lyrics: Oh M...

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  Episode #3

  23| Home Ec. is Where the Heart is

  May 25, 202622 minS3

  Welcome back to another month's worth of events at Throatvoid Grade Sch—I mean—Jambalaya Grade School. The Garfield the Bottlenose Dolphin Fan Club has rebranded. I know it's tough to swallow, but what happened to the 4th grade class is an unsolvable mystery. Tinnie hits the big stage! For all you track stars: Whatever you're planning, DO jump the gun. For this episode, Mrs Rodhaus asked the scientific community a very importent question. I don't foresee Harold McCormick recovering from his pickle jar injury any time soon. Finally, we've got viewership questions for me! <b>Music for this episode by C...

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