Episode #133
Ep 133: My Four Biggest Shifts at 40: The Ideas that Have Actually Changed How I Live
Turning 40 inspired me to stop and reflect in a deeper way. In that reflection, I asked a question I hadn't asked in a while: which ideas have actually changed the way I live? Four rose above the rest (convenient since it was my 40th!), and one thing that surprised me is how they build on each other, almost like a manual for how to live. In this solo reflection, I walk through all four, along with the single thread that connects them: awareness/mindfulness comes before change, every time. Key insights include: Why alignment, not achievement, has been the biggest unlock for me, and ways to know when something is truly aligned. How meditation became less about reaching some blissful end state and more about being still enough to hear what's actually true (with a nod to "self vs. parts" from Internal Family Systems). Why identity is built through repetition, and how treating life as an ongoing experiment turns results into feedback instead of judgment. How your standards, what you're willing to tolerate on your lowest day, quietly shape your health, relationships, business, and even the standards your team accepts. The balancing act of not postponing your life for a "someday" that may never come, and why success should expand your life rather than delay it. Tune in for an honest look at how a decade of small shifts, and one big birthday, changed the way I make decisions - plus a simple one-question challenge to carry into your week. TRANSCRIPT: Garrett Salpeter (00:00.974) Hello, New Fit Nation. Welcome back to the Undercurrent Podcast. This is the first episode that I am recording in my 40s. I just turned 40, and that is actually the theme of today's episode because it certainly feels like a milestone. It has caused me to stop and reflect, and I'm going to share some of those reflections with you here today. In the recent years of Gone through periods of transition in business, in life, my kids have hit new milestones. This year, my daughter, older daughter started high school. I've also gone through some personal transitions with a separation and divorce. And all of this has caused me, especially in combination with with a significant birthday like this, caused me to look up from the day to day and ask some bigger questions and wonder if I'm living my life in the way that I wish to be living my life. I I look at and I think about. How I'm responsible for what has happened and is happening in my life. The one that immediately led to this episode, I also thought about and asked myself what ideas and principles have influenced me and actually changed the way that I live? And when I sat with that question, there's four principles that rose above the rest. So I was, as you can imagine, I was very excited to see that having four corresponds well with a 40th birthday. I'm glad the numbers work out. I also saw a common thread and realized that they're not necessarily four separate lessons, but that they build on each other. And there's almost a sequence that for me is like a manual for how to live. And that is what I want to share with you today. And before I get into that, a couple notes. One is that if you're familiar with me, with our work at Newfit, you know that for nearly 20 years now, for me it's it's all come back to one thing, which is the nervous system. And when we're Talking about the new fit method and the newbie, it all comes down to helping people retrain their nervous system. It's the operating system of the body. We want the whole system to be running better. And I, in reflection on these, I see how I've been doing the same type of thing with myself, trying to get my operating system to work better. And one of the biggest things that, as you know, the nervous system does it's to make us aware, aware of our internal and external. Garrett Salpeter (02:22.486) environments and so awareness is a thread that also ties together these four lessons that I'm going to share with you because each one of them is preceded by or begins with awareness with noticing noticing where I am where I'm not in alignment noticing what my habits are and how they're influencing my life noticing what I'm accepting or tolerating in my life and also noticing for me areas in which I've been postponing my life and waiting for something to happen so I could achieve something and then feel a certain way, things like that that that I'll get into here. So these are the four, I don't necessarily want to say lessons, but I'd say the four biggest shifts in how I've lived that really stand out to me as being very impactful. And my intention here and sharing them with you is that they'll also be worthwhile to you in some way. So on to the first shift. For me, it's all about alignment. This is number one, I'm choosing this first because choosing to share this first because I feel like alignment has been the biggest unlock for me in the sense that finding where I feel aligned or where I haven't felt aligned and how the decisions I made from that, I can see how things play out. And one of the first times where I really realized the the dark side of this of acting out of alignment was an issue with a a person I had worked with and I knew deep down inside that there wasn't alignment. It wasn't a good cultural fit. And I overrided or overrode that in part because of people pleasing tendencies, because it was difficult for me to have hard conversations and and let this person know what was problematic, what was not working, what needed to change, difficulty for me setting boundaries. And I also had this, this was very early on in my career, also had this sort of scarcity mindset as opposed to abundance mindset of like, gosh, can I ever find anyone else to work with me? You know, so there's this feeling of not being worthy, not being good enough, noticing these things certainly all influenced it. But in overriding that, I allowed to continue Garrett Salpeter (04:49.91) situations and dynamics that ended up costing far more in the long run, emotionally and monetarily, costing a lot more than the initial pain and cost or the immediate pain and cost would have been having a hard conversation up front or getting rid of a person, you know, who wasn't a good fit years ahead of when I finally found the courage and clarity to do it. And when I Look at at other times where I've made decisions that have come out of alignment. Like, for example, coming out of college, I had a physics undergraduate degree, and I was set to go to engineering graduate school at the University of Texas here in Austin, which is how I got down here. And it was a fabulous experience, and I'm so glad I did it. And I had options to take jobs. I had a job offer with a big consulting firm out of college. I had an opportunity to interview with a large, very well-known investment bank, which I may or may not have gotten a job, but I decided that I wanted to pursue this because it felt more aligned with who I was and what I was interested in doing. And that ended up being a great decision. And that engineering background ultimately gave me the the experience and the perspective to be able to lead the team that ultimately created the newbie device and do the things that I'm doing now. It was a big part of that journey. So I'm I'm so glad that I did it. Also early on in my career back when I was working in a clinic and I had this hundred and twenty square foot office in the chiropractic office, chiropractic clinic of the guy who was the U T Longhorns chiropractor, his private practice. I was using older versions of electrical stimulation. That's part of what led me to ultimately creating the newbie. And I you know, very young doing this, it wasn't sure no one was really sure where this was gonna go. Me l me most of all. but I I knew that I really want to do it. And there was a moment there when when Brianna and I, my former wife, got pregnant with our first daughter. And I was still in my early twenties and I was honestly scared. And there were some suggestions, like my father, for example, very reasonably and lovingly encouraged me to take my master's degree in engineering and go get a stable. Garrett Salpeter (07:13.814) job so I can provide for my family. And I understand and appreciate why he said that. And for me, I sat with that and realized that what I really wanted to do was to follow my heart and pursue this work, doing this clinic and this type of work that led to new fit and everything that that we're doing now. And I'm so glad I did it. And it came from alignment. So those are some examples of acting from alignment or overriding the internal knowing. and acting from a place of misalignment. So that to me, that really is the f foundational framework. And a big catalyst for me understanding this has been my experience in meditation over the last couple years. I probably first got interested in meditation From listening to and reading Sam Harris's work and conversations with my friend Wesley Cress, who's been on this podcast, and hearing his experiences and his his explanations of meditation really helped it resonate with me in a way that it got me interested in pursuing it. And I've done more formal work both with Shauna Shapiro and Corey Muscara. Shauna's been on the podcast as well. And I highly recommend both of their books and their online work and courses or in-person work and courses because For me, meditation has been the way to really clarify and crystallize this concept or operationalize this and bring it into my daily life, where a lot of times we think that meditation is about sitting still until we get to a place of bliss or happiness where nothing bothers us. But what it's really about, as I've learned from people like Corey and Shauna, what it's really about is Have being still enough so that we can be aware enough or mindfulness, right? Mindful enough to be aware of what's going on in our own experience. So that I can actually feel when something I'm contemplating doing is aligned or is not aligned. And the the framework that I really love here that I have started using w whenever I can is understanding when I'm making a decision. Garrett Salpeter (09:28.44) From a place of self or parts, using the language of internal family systems. Another great book recommendation is No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, Dick Schwartz, that describes this concept of internal family systems. When I'm making decisions from my true self, which you have a true self, I have a true self. We all have this true self, this place within us that is our deepest truth, where we feel clear and calm and confident and courageous and creative. And connected. There's these different C words that describe this state. Even just hearing those, you may feel some energy resonating. And the the parts are the different different patterns within ourselves that I alluded to earlier in my own experience, where I learned to act a certain way, you know, in people pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries. I had also learned that I felt like I had to achieve something in order to be worthy of love. And so these are the patterns. These patterns are parts. Of me and different parts can be online at different times and they can interact in certain ways, and I can be acting from certain parts or acting from self, those different places. And so meditation for me allows me to have the opportunity to slow down enough to drop in deeply enough to get clearer on what is my true motivation for doing something and making a decision. Is it aligned? Is it coming from a place of self or is it coming from a place of parts? And so the the question I really love to ask myself, which I got from Corey Muscara and his teaching is am I doing this? Am I considering doing this thing because I already feel complete as a person and it's aligned with my true desires? Or am I feeling empty inside and I'm choosing this thing as an attempt to grasp at something that might fill me up? Because we all know that that you know, getting past a certain point at least getting more money or getting a nicer house or a nicer watch or a nicer car, you know, we feel like that's gonna that's gonna be the thing that finally gets us happy. And we know that it doesn't work that way. But there's these patterns that I even will notice sometimes that I fall into. And it's the kind of underlying awareness of this alignment dynamic that helps me navigate this. And there's a few examples where I've seen my ego that Garrett Salpeter (11:50.307) that that part many many examples where I've seen that you know I was I was just reflecting in preparation for this like one for example doing what I do for work I I admittedly take a lot of pride in helping people get get results in sports medicine and rehabilitation and things like that and and with myself I put off for many years getting a hip surgery that I likely should have gotten earlier, and that I finally did get, and that was helpful. I got bone shaved down, bone spurs shaved down off the neck of my femur where I had a femoral acetabular impingement FAI. And I you know, I'm so glad I did it. But I put it off for a long time. I also noticed really interesting, after my first meditation retreat. I, as you likely can tell, you know, I read a ton of books, and I think a lot of the the where I am and what I've learned and who I've become is positively influenced by the books that I've read. And so I think that's wonderful. And I also at the same time observed that a lot of that came from a place of feeling somewhat empty or incomplete and thinking that if I was just a little bit smarter, If I knew a little bit more, then I'd be better, then I'd finally be worthy of some sort of status or love or belonging, some sort of internal drive like that. And I learned that some of that consumption of you know books, podcasts, etc., was some of that grasping trying to fill me up inside. And it was so interesting that after my first meditation retreat with Corey Muscara for a couple months. I I noticed that desire was significantly diminished. Where I you know, instead of always wanting to listen to a podcast or a book on tape audio book when I'm in the car, book on tape, they're not on tape anymore, but when I noticed that I would actually just enjoy sort of doing a breathing exercise or sitting and listening to music, things like that. It was it was an interesting shift. And so now I still read. Garrett Salpeter (13:59.679) And I ask myself if I'm doing it from some sort of compulsive desire to fill a perceived void, or if I'm doing it from a place of true interest and alignment. And it often is from a place of interest and alignment, but I really like that framework, and I felt compelled to share that with you. So I think the big, the big question that I would ask, and that I encourage everyone listening to this to ask, is It's not necessarily about following your passion, but following your alignments. I would ask you if what you're contemplating doing is truly aligned. And one exercise that that I have done in the past is actually close my eyes and consider a path A, consider a path B, and see how they feel in my nervous system. Because that often will give us a clue. It'll, you know, sometimes it's as dramatic as one path. will feel very constricting energetically and one will feel expansive, like it's giving us energy. And I've that's one thing that I've found is that if I'm doing things that could be objectively hard, even if it even if it is hard, it feels somewhat easier to me because that sense of alignment gives me energy and and it doesn't feel as hard. It makes makes having a going through difficult times in business or having a a a workout program sustainable. So I would ask myself and encourage you to ask yourself, where in my life am I choosing from emptiness rather than from fullness? Whatever, whatever that means to you. So that's the first the first one is is understanding alignment. And we really have to understand our identity, our true selves, who we are, what is most important to us, what we value, what what is in alignment with us at that deepest level. And then This second shift principle that I want to wanna share is how our identity is built through repetitions, how we are a culmination of our habits. And I think a lot about my life as an ongoing experiment. I think about my inputs that I do in my in my training and lifestyle, in my business, how I show up with my family and what you know what I do with my kids. And I look at the results that that come out of that. Think about it as as sort of one big ongoing experiment. There's also this great quote. Garrett Salpeter (16:25.578) Of attributed to Aristotle of we are what we repeatedly do. He talks about excellence is not an act, but it's a habit, because what we repeatedly do adds up to who we are. And so I think also in this sort of scientific ongoing experiment, results are feedback. They're not necessarily judgment. We don't fail, we gather information. I think that's a good mindset shift. I also think a lot about this in terms of Fitness and and health, which I think is a great metaphor for anything, because in fitness there is this balance of of work and and recovery and rest and regeneration. There's this this balance of delayed gratification of having to work for a period of time to see a result that comes later, of having to have faith in the process of of getting help and support and coaching and learning and and finding the most effective way, not the shortcut, but the most effective and direct path to your goal. So there's all these different lessons that I think extrapolate beautifully to all areas of life. And I I think a lot about the the way that what how what I do every day, how to have a daily routine. That helps me get to the levels of health and fitness and physical and mental performance and vitality that I wish to achieve for myself. So one thing that I'm working on is I'm generally very stiff. I have a background of ice hockey. As Greg Cook says, I was was one of these examples of someone building fitness on top of dysfunction. I didn't have my core movement fundamentals down, and yet I built a fair amount of size and strength and speed on top of that. And so couple that with playing ice hockey and being locked in that kind of half squat position with hips and external rotation, very little foot and ankle movement because the feet are locked in a in boots, you know, ice hockey boots, the skates, and all that leads to significant mobility restrictions that now I want to work on. And so I think about how my habits influence that. And there's things that I do to work on hip internal rotation. Garrett Salpeter (18:38.638) And I do those six or seven days a week. I work it into my plan. And over time, it's been so cool to see my hip internal rotation go from generously zero degrees to you know 15, 20 degrees. It's still not, you know, anatomically ideal, but it's gotten a lot better. And it's cool to see the progress, even in something that's as slow to change as structural remodeling of joint capsules. And I think this is a great. prompt for us all to look at our habits. You know, if someone all also going back to fitness, there's a great a great quote that the body you have is the body you've earned. So how if we're if we're not as strong in a certain area or we're several pounds overweight or you know, there's there's likely some reason for it. And it's sometimes not the individual's fault. Sometimes there's there's toxic exposure or things like that that's out of their control that's causing more inflammation that That throws things off or some disease state. And oftentimes once once we know about it, then there's things that we can do about it. So there's certainly the I think a lot of value in understanding that our life now is the culmination of our habits and really examining and evaluating those and making sure that yes, they are aligned
