The Out of the Cave Podcast
Solo Series Chapter 37: Aligning Action With Intention to Build Self-Trust
In this episode, Lisa continues the deep work of intentional weight loss by expanding the conversation around anger, shame, rupture, repair, innocence, and internal safety. She revisits the previous episode’s teaching on allowing anger without withdrawing love, showing how this becomes essential when you “blow past a boundary” or act out of alignment. She connects this to couples therapy, pets, children, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), illustrating how conflict is not a red flag; the absence of repair is. Lisa then explores the cultural conditioning around impact vs. intention, contrasting how society often punishes impact while internal healing requires honoring intention. She shares personal stories to show how innocence, intention, and misunderstood power shape self‑trust. Topics Include : Anger is Allowed Shame Spirals IFS Self Trust [1:30] Lisa teaches that moments of anger or disappointment are inevitable, and the work is allowing those emotions without collapsing into shame. She describes how judging yourself after a misstep is like pouring gasoline on a fire, creating an unsafe internal environment that undermines long‑term goals. She frames tender self‑compassion as the stabilizing force that restores safety, connection, and alignment after moments of misalignment. [6:16] Lisa shows that both rigid diet‑culture judgment and anti‑diet avoidance bypass honest acknowledgment of tension, and she reframes conflict as a healthy part of self‑relationship. She uses practical analogies to normalize the coexistence of anger and love, teaching listeners to maintain connection with themselves while addressing the consequences of their actions. [11:09] Lisa teaches that every internal part is well‑intentioned and fundamentally good, echoing Dick Schwartz’s IFS framework. She shows that approaching parts with curiosity rather than shame creates the internal safety required for real change, and she reframes intention as the key to collaboration. [20:36] Lisa shares how external judgment once framed her as unsafe to help others while recovering from disordered eating, and how she reclaimed trust by returning to her own benevolent intention. She illustrates how culture teaches people to fear their own power; the work is not eliminating that power but learning to channel it safely. [46:40] Lisa explains how pity masquerading as compassion or people‑pleasing masquerading as kindness can derail healing by imitating the real thing. She teaches that healing requires transformed consciousness, not the avoidance of behaviors that once accompanied shame. [49:01] Lisa warns against rejecting supportive behaviors just because they resemble past unhealthy patterns, emphasizing that the energy behind the action is what matters. She reframes the old diet‑culture mantra “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” into “nothing tastes as good as staying in alignment with myself feels.” [49:57] Lisa teaches that actions like eating a salad, skipping dessert, or tracking calories only gain meaning from the energy behind them. She shows how the same behavior can be self‑punishment rooted in shame or self‑care aligned with long‑term values. [53:42] Lisa explains that when she views her intention as good, she becomes someone she can work with; when she sees herself as guilty, she becomes someone she cannot trust. [1:04:50] Lisa explains that food noise exists on a spectrum and that true freedom is not the absence of thinking about food but the absence of fear around structure and accountability. She uses the near‑enemy lens to reveal how equating structure with dieting or accountability with shame blocks healing. Join Us on Patreon! LISA IS NOW ACCEPTING: One-on-One Clients! Purchase the OOTC book of 50 Journal Prompts Leave Questions and Feedback for Lisa via OOTC Pod Feedback Form Email Lisa: lisa@lisaschlosberg.com Out of the Cave Merch - For 10% off use code SCHLOS10 Lisa’s Socials: Instagram Facebook YouTube
