The R4R Podcast: Road to Zero
Better, Not Bitter | Grief, depression & the slow climb back to yourself
Paulina Young has done a remarkable amount of work on herself. After 17 years of marriage, her relationship ended. With two young boys and no idea who she was outside of being a wife and mum, she found herself in a very dark place. What followed was a period of depression, survival mode, and slowly — painfully — finding her way back. 11 years on, and her reflection on that journey is as honest and generous as it gets. Timestamps: [00:00] — Welcome & intro — Paulina, head of the R4R SUP community [00:41] — How Paulina ended up on the podcast [01:01] — Ben's research: struck by how much Paulina had reflected on her own story [01:54] — 17 years of marriage, separated at 39 with two young boys [02:44] — The morning they told the kids — and realising life wasn't going where she thought [03:31] — Why was it so hard? Loss of identity, loss of a future [04:53] — Survival mode: single parenting on week on week off, the hole getting darker [07:27] — Pulling the covers over her head — and the boys pulling her out [08:13] — Grief and depression — and postnatal depression with Louis years earlier [09:00] — A year to two years of darkness; seeking support early [10:04] — "Who am I outside of being a wife and a mum?" [11:45] — Walking past the boys' empty rooms on week off — the emptiness [12:52] — Going from full-on single parenting to suddenly, completely alone [14:20] — How did you find yourself? Curiosity, growth mindset, "what is this here to teach me?" [15:00] — The Reality Slap by Dr Russ Harris — the book that helped change her thinking [16:19] — Pain into purpose; doing small things that brought joy; discovering her values [17:59] — When her ex re-partnered early; learning "I am not my thoughts" [18:47] — "The only way out is through" — feeling all the feels [20:04] — The Johann Hari parallel: you need to feel it before you can understand it [21:27] — How her boys inspired her to show up even when she didn't want to [22:13] — "Better, not bitter" — her North Star through the whole thing [23:24] — The shift from external focus (him) to internal focus (herself) [25:40] — Protecting the boys; not letting them get caught in the middle [26:35] — "If it's hysterical, it's historical" — understanding what's really being triggered [28:22] — Advice for someone in a dark place: you don't have to go through it alone [30:07] — Drop the shoulds; self-compassion; "what would you say to a friend?" [32:14] — What would have helped most: someone just sitting there, holding space [33:41] — Why silence is sometimes the most powerful thing; why R4R works [34:56] — The SUP community — showing up, building connections, September season starting [36:52] — Rinse and repeat: how healthy habits help you find yourself [37:09] — Who Paulina would love to interview on the R4R podcast [38:31] — Closing thoughts: "better, not bitter" [38:55] — Book recommendation: The Reality Slap — Dr Russ HarrisLinks:The Reality Slap — Dr Russ Harris (ACT): https://www.actmindfully.com.au/books/the-reality-slap/ If this episode brings anything up for you, please reach out to someone you trust. In Australia, you can: Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 Medicare Mental Health Centre Canberra – 1800 595 212 Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636 | https://www.beyondblue.org.au Connect with Running for Resilience Website: https://www.runningforresilience.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/runningforresilience/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RunningforResilience/Strava: https://www.strava.com/clubs/runningforresilience
