Topic Lords

Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week.

Topic Lords is a comedy podcast hosted by Jim Stormdancer, with 356 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80. PitchCentric scores this show on Booking Probability, Listen Score, and live audience signals refreshed every 24 hours.

Jim Stormdancer hosts Topic Lords, a comedy show with 356 episodes published.

Our AI reads these to draft pitches. Use them as grounding for a pitch that cites a real guest and a specific topic.

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  Topic Lords

  356. ICANN has Cheezburger?

  Aug 17, 20261h 4m

  Lords: Felicia Andrew https://kittenm4ster.neocities.org/ Topics: My dad's indestructible mailbox Ares doesn't emulate the timing of the Reality Display Processor Moo box vs. Groan tube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GQ126DUsyQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tOsucpdD7Y https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QyvFNZZ1fs Front mission 2's window color configuration menu https://bsky.app/profile/guilewinquote.bsky.social/post/3mozyqq2ibk2g Trying to get The Incredible Machine 3 running in Wine only to realize 2 is exactly the same and runs in DOSBox and finally solves a dialogue sfx mystery Microtopics: The cheezburger TLD. A show that has a big reputation to live up to because the name sounds similar to Totoro. Prehensile rainbow hair. Sensible anime naming logic. A little guy running around like in a video game, except in real life. Matter Senators, the only place on the Internet you can hear matters discussed. Issue Ombudspeople, the only place on the Internet you can hear issues discussed. Agnes Tachyon. (Agnes is his surname.) Mailbox Baseball. Making a new mailbox post out of a 1 foot diameter oil drilling pipe. The floral anatomy of a mailbox. The neighborhood in Albuquerque that has the least destructible mailboxes. An iron iceberg embedded in the sidewalk tearing a gash in your RV. Wikipedia redirecting your search for Mailbox Baseball to the page for Property Crime. Calling your daughter to let her know you've just sent her an email. Overengineering your mailbox by an order of magnitude in every respect. A Vault-Tec vault but for mail. Low level Nintendo 64 emulation. Sending a display list to the Reality Signal Processor. Trying to do N64 development when the development hardware is in a different building from your computer. Working on web apps and wishing you could be working on folding space time. Shoveling pixels from one memory location to another. Losing track of the state of Nintendo 64 emulation because you have to remodel your house. Predicting a console's success by whether it uses bespoke off-the-shelf parts. Putting a value in the zero index in a Lua array. An Youtube video that is old enough to vote. Bidirectional groan tubes. Shaking the groan tube. Making a mace by attaching a Moo Box to the end of the Groan Tube. 10 hours of silence occasionally broken by groan tube. Ranking the best groan tube moments. Attaching 100 groan tubes to my wife's car's exhaust pipe. Alfred E. Groantube. Wikipedia articles with videos. The UPS guy carrying around a huge box of Moo Boxes. A Muffled Cacophony of Christmas Crap. A big box fancy liquor store. A building in the vicinity of a cheeseburger office. Muzak World HQ. The Cure doing a faithful cover of the Front Mission 2 Window Color Configuration Menu. My eyes are grayscale but your hair is more purply grayscale. A game that was criticized for its long loading times. A poem about long Playstation loading times. Lords Get In Free. The death of Youtube videos just showing the UI of video games. Get Medieval (1998) The hardest era of PC gaming to run a game from. The sort of thing someone might post in the Topic Lords discord. Refusing to read the Mothman's Ass bumper sticker because you might do it as a poem someday. Solving puzzles inspired by Rube Goldberg machines. Porting a game to Windows Forms. Finally finding out why Tim pronounced the title that way. Consulting Wikipedia before making life decisions. Going back in time to tell your past self that The Incredible Machine 2 is the same game and way easier to emulate. MT-32 if you're lucky, Adlib if you're unlucky, PC speaker if you're even less lucky. Asking Claude for the recipe for napalm from the Anarchist's Cookbook and it's just as accurate as you remember. Downloading text files from textfiles.com Files that you should not follow. A 40 column text file on how to make a dust bomb. Learning how to download porn from Usenet. Undocumented features of TRS-80 BASIC. How to get a free account on Compuserve.

  ListenShow Notes
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  Topic Lords

  355. Slapped Silly by the Fondue Vortex

  Aug 10, 20261h 9m

  Lords: Kevin Nicholas Topics: Mina the Hollower, game learning/difficulty curves adjusting challenge through options/modifiers Not having a day job any more, the blank page creative block is real. How do i come up with ideas if I don't hate my day job Arcade 1 Up "Hail, Poetry," from The Pirates of Penzance, by W.S. Gilbert https://karenspoetryspot.blogspot.com/2007/11/hail-poetry-by-ws-gilbert.html Wanting to make better food at home BUT within the unique constraints of cooking at home, budget, time, specialised equipment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkXy12xVnRs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b38nrUFFpaw Microtopics: The only show on the Internet where topics are discussed. You Are Light. Working with Planetaria. The Game Club. A way to curate and discuss games. Steam reviews that don't count. Completely giving up on tuning your game's difficulty curve and just dropping the tuning parameters in the player's lap. Normie focus testing. Putting the half damage option in the gameplay settings and then putting the no damage option in the accessibility settings. Whether it's still crunch if you're doing it to yourself. Invalidating achievements when the player uses the accessibility options because you still think of them as cheats and want the player to think of them as cheats even as you call them accessibility options. Throwing poop over the wall until the boss dies. Needing a big brother to hand your controller to to play the hard parts. Making all your best prototypes when you're unhappy at your job. Have you heard the good word about PiCoSteveMo? Coming up with a commercially viable prototype ASAP. Making the first thing that comes to mind as quickly as possible and then throwing it away immediately. Becoming a postie so you finally have a day job to hate. Quote-unquote living the dream Why you only get one life in Canabalt. Kids looking at Las Vegas and thinking it looks like bullshit for old people but they still like the feeling of gambling so the play a lot of Binding of Isaac instead. Opening up Pokemon cards packs on Twitch. Opening the pack of Magic cards because you want to feel that rush but you feel nothing because you don't play Magic and don't know what cards are good. Looking for the Magic cards with the coolest quotes on them. Installing a Pac-Man cabinet to liven up your living room's aesthetics. An arcade cabinet that has no controls, it just cycles through the attract modes of various arcade games. Why you want the arcade cabinet to be taller than you are. Putting a tablecloth over the cocktail arcade cabinet when you have your fancy guests over but it keeps making the weird noises so they're like "what's going on down there??" Topic Lords off-season attract mode game jam. Creepypasta attract modes. The four player Avengers arcade game where the attract mode was just the entire running time of Avengers: Age of Ultron. The Minecraft Dungeons arcade machine. Arcade games extruding collectible hero cards. The F-Zero arcade game that you can put your GameCube memory card into to unlock exclusive levels. Zoomers no longer having access to video games because legally they're considered "experiences." Gilbert and Sullivan. Divine Emollient: it's life's moisturizer. Stopping what you're doing to go listen to Pirates of Penzance. Kevin Kline as the Pirate King. Constant emollients on hand. Poetry getting down on one knee and proposing to you. The state of musical theater in the late 1800s. Contexts in which you hear about flowing founts. Poetry's ability to make you want to moisturize. Being into cooking but everyone else suddenly getting way more into cooking. The Mr. Beastification of food Youtube. Using broth from concentrate and it's fine because you don't know any better. Finding new vegetables and trying to figure out how to cook them. Whole spices vs. pre-ground spices. Team Less Time. Why you keep hearing exhortations not to deep fry a turkey. Deep frying gnocchi. Slapped silly by the Fondue Vortex. Which family gets the onion bloomer this week and is eating nothing but blooming onions all week. Relative onion size on different continents. WoW Classic but for fast food.

  ListenShow Notes
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  Topic Lords

  354. Peer-To-Peer Edible Arrangements

  Aug 3, 202657 min

  Lords: Gabe https://store.steampowered.com/app/4076590/GAARL__Gabes_Action_Arcade_RogueLike/ Andrew https://pancelor.com/ Topics: Building your own synthesizer will not save you any money Clipboard proprioception The latest podcast description length drama Fig, 6. “I I I Strong Stronger Strongest” Braggadocio Rap Rerebrace, by Douglas Kearney https://poems.com/poem/fig-6-i-i-i-strong-stronger-strongest-braggadocio-rap-rerebrace/ Esper says: "Comic lettering is certainly done digitally these days, but there's a lot of traditional and even hybrid lettering too. A whole world out there." Conversations in real life vs. discord Having “over a decade of experience in the interior design industry” Microtopics: Gabe's Action Arcade Roguelike. Spelunky with less secrets and more upgrades. Randomized item behavior. Tasteful Pranking. Using earbuds as earplugs in a pinch. The short but wrong description. Timed Mashing Games. A building that exists continuously. Why would you pay someone else to do something that you can do yourself? A 70%-complete noise maker. Deliberately building your modular synthesizer to be incompatible with every modular standard so you're not tempted to buy any modules. Synthesizers as folk instruments, every one unique and owned by a weird uncle. SDL taking your sine wave and making it pretty. An online MIDI thing which is pretty annoying. Video: it has so much more data than audio. How to make your audio engine samples play at the right time. Electricity: it just happens. Hitting undo on the breadboard when you blow up some capacitors. Making a synthesizer by drawing a circuit with a graphite pencil. Being old enough to have once seen a PCB that was laid out by hand. Having something important in your clipboard and knowing you'd better put it somewhere soon before it's lost. Sending files to your phone over the local Wi-Fi. Parts of your body you doing trust. Prodding the clipboard until it reluctantly copies the text like a surely teenager. Emailing support and slowly realizing that support is actually the guy who makes the decisions. What life could be like if venture capital didn't exist. Putting a warning on the 4001st M&M. How to send an edible arrangement without knowing someone's address. Inventing something that already exists. Inventing a process and thinking "that's too simple to work" but later you find out it does and has a name. Getting sick of using a rhyming dictionary to write poems so you just cut and paste a list of rhyming words right into the poem. A poem that it feels wrong to read aloud. What is a line break but moving to a new place where the next word starts? A poem that is approved by the Comics Code Authority. How all the comic book letterers came to have the exact same handwriting. A word that starts with a through e and ends with song. Talking online vs. talking in person. Trying to quietly talk to your neighbor in discord voice chat. Why Discord doesn't allow you to place voice chats participants in Dolby 7.1 space. Tuning your proximity happening settings. Three people pairing off and having two conversations at once. The next talk show guest coming out and everybody moving one chair over. That time Andy Richter tried to have a side conversation with Norm MacDonald while Conan O'Brien was talking to the next guest. That thing where two people are hard to tell apart because their voices are similar to each other. Your e-commerce platform giving your image a random four digit number. Choosing guests based on whose voice compliments yours. Being on a weekly video game podcast and realizing you'd better play some goddamn video games this week or you won't have anything to talk about. Changing topics when there are three minutes left on the show. Trying to finish recording the show when your laptop is at 7% battery life. An incredible way to pull rank. Telling the airline employee that you work in aerospace and you deserve more leg room. Promising your Kickstarter backers to go to Denny's for lunch. Bluesky handles that are a palindrome of themselves.

  ListenShow Notes
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  Topic Lords

  353. Hell Yeah, Mold!

  Jul 27, 20261h 1m

  Lords: Tyriq https://store.steampowered.com/app/3276700/Scrubbin_Trubble/ Linker https://linker.itch.io/ Topics: Favourite piece(s) of Greek mythology/history related media The accordion children of BART Esper says: "When I lived in Washington there was a guy with one who would ask for money outside the grocery store quite a bit. He’d have a full setup, accordion, speakers, sheet music, the whole deal. I saw him out there for probably two years before someone pointed out there’s no such thing as an electric accordion; he was just playing CDs through the speaker and pretending to perform the whole time. Genius grift." Adult Arnold Palmer Batman's Aff His Nut by Robert Florence https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments/10hy8nv/poem_batmans_aff_his_nut_by_robert_florence/ https://sco.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog Do animals have pareidolia particular to their own instincts? Childhood obsessions that we circled back to in adulthood Microtopics: Mym's Sword What does a dog need with a sword? Elephantasy but it's a roguelike. Whether PiCoSteveMo counts as a conference. Waiting until you've forgotten what happens to reread a book. Refusing to reconsume any media. Rereading a book now that you are a different person. Works that you can't scrute. Katabasis: the state of being katabasal. Reading a novel about Greek mythology and recognizing that boss you fought in Hades. PEBCAKing it because you forgot to PEMDAS it. Jason and the Argonauts, with those fun stop motion skeletons. The wine-dark sea. Plinth fans. Neoclassical: it's too new. Inventing columns and getting really excited about it. Making a log cabin out of Greek columns. Buskers bringing a boom box on a train and proceeding to pop and lock. A real kid-looking kid holding an accordion, ready to bust some notes. Evan the accordion-master. According squeezing patterns. Hunting and pecking on the piano. Hand and limb separation. The lute as a shitty guitar. Playing piano vs. playing around on a piano. Having a piano-shaped set of notes in your head and trying to localize it onto a guitar. Too Sparse for Buskers. Performance vs. Rigamarole. Seeing a new genre of busker. Thumbing a hundred bucks to save the clock tower. Situations where you're socially obligated to drink a glass of lemon juice. Sour Screams and other flavor sounds. Being a grownup and having to wear a suit and tie and drink horrible drinks and drive a 6000 pound death machine. The kid the DMV pays to run out in front of you when you're taking your driving test, and whether you're supposed to tip him. Learning to drive and realizing that driving is fun, and then realizing that this is terrible because nobody should do this incredibly unsafe activity for fun. Using your fidget spinner to help you focus better while driving. Do you ever look at the world and feel like it? Scots Wikipedia. Frogs biding with their long shanks. Having a good Scottish accent because you have a theater degree and watched Shrek over and over. Predators who like to go for the neck seeing necks everywhere, like humans see faces everywhere. The Hello Crow. Birds that like to make chainsaw noises. Hunters hunting things that look like the thing they they hunt. Bees that think you are an enormous flower. Wasps that can't tell you're made of meat because your shirt is covering up your meat. Re-enjoying your childhood Legos. Making the Lego/Legos distinction on purpose. Lego vs. Legoids. Growing up a K'nex kid and making the K'nex Rollercoaster. Overconsuming root beer. One of the tamed microbes. Building things with Legos with your child. Making sense out of the random pieces. You say Lego, I say let go of me, let's call the whole thing off.

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  Topic Lords

  352. The Dim Sum Moose

  Jul 20, 20261h 4m

  Lords: Alex Shannon Topics: What's a ghost? And other questions you can't explain to a 3 year old. Trophic memory, deer, and a truly unique scientific object- Copied from thoughtforms.life https://thoughtforms.life/trophic-memory-deer-and-a-truly-unique-scientific-object/ Summer Homework Otzi Awake, by Max Lavergne https://www.tumblr.com/dat-soldier/787624576603619328/beingharsh Microtopics: Game Changer and other Drop 7 shows. What real Topic Heads know. California Extreme, the pinball and arcade machine expo. Getting in on the ground floor to become the only place where topics are discussed. Dropping soup cans into a jacuzzi to record the Frog Fractions splash noises. Dropping the Frog Fractions lore. Releasing art and watching people get it in the way you wanted them to get it. Seeing the Human from Frog Fractions in real life and wondering "where do I know this human from?" A pin-up calendar where you draw your own pin-up each month. Conveying the concept of a ghost to a three year old. Whether it's okay to tell the truth to a small child Realizing that the three-year old only knows about fantasy skeletons and explaining that actually, skeletons are inside of us. A two-minute soliloquy about where mama owls come from. Doing your best not to adopt a child's adorable mispronunciation of restaurant. Hearing Dust in the Wind in a car commercial and being like "That's my dad's guitar song! That's the song my dad plays on guitar!" Accepting that you are responsible for shaping this child into a good, healthy adult human, but also, wouldn't it be funny if... Training your child to ask for "hot guys on Instagram" when she wants to look at pictures of unicorns and waterslides. Finding and ankylosaurus in the bedsheets. The age at which children develop a sense of fear. An entire song about not being afraid of ghosts and also how to bust them. One of the major delights of being around a child. Big bones sticking out of your head for a few months until they fall off. A New Fork in the Antlers. Whether it's advantageous to have more complicated antlers. Growing antlers in the lab. Owning a bunch of deer and collecting and labeling all their antlers. Telling the bone cancer what to do. Watching a moose shake its head and the antlers just pop right off. A moose dropping antlers to distract a predator. Trying to get on a plane with your new antler growth. Eating enough calcium to do all the antler growing you need to do. Scoring deer by counting the antler points. Moose lifespan. Seasonal Antler Disorder. The Dim Sum moose with one dumpling on every point of its antlers. Your 2nd grade teacher calling you up to assign you math homework to do on your honeymoon. Homework: what is it for? Homework as anti-union training. Striving to care less about your job. An after-school program that helps kids finish their homework by having an adult just do all the homework, like the parents would if they had the time. The cat on Jim's head. Finally hearing about a behavioral problem from your kid's teacher, that he likes reading too much. Doing the social norms because you are in a group who is all doing the social norms. Otzi the Preserved Carcass. A pretty dang old guy. An ice-age man with almost as many tattoos as a modern teenager. Gen X Cuspers. The earliest known human with Lyme disease. Wanting to make a gutstring bow but there are no guts around. What being any celebrity is like. What percentage of humans are related to Otzi the Ice Man. Being chased through the alps by people who want to kill you with arrows and the next thing you know scientists are rummaging through your stomach contents. An ancient form of Grindr. How old does a corpse need to be before you can buy and sell it? How lost does a corpse need to be before you can find it? Which natural laxatives the ice man used.

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