Untethering Shame

New episodes every Sunday!Shame is the fear of not being good enough or worthy of connection and belonging. This silent plague keeps us tethered to the performance, focused on external validation and approval versus internal rooting. It can disrupt every relationship, thought, and experience if left unchecked. And it's time we say enough. Join licensed mental health therapist, Kyira Wackett, in the quest to build insight and take meaningful and intentional actions as we untether ourselves from shame.

Untethering Shame is a health podcast hosted by Kyira Wackett, with 262 episodes on record and a Required Pod Score of 80. PitchCentric scores this show on Booking Probability, Listen Score, and live audience signals refreshed every 24 hours.

Kyira Wackett hosts Untethering Shame, a health show with 262 episodes published.

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  Untethering Shame

  ️ Ask Me Anything – E60: The Perfectionism Nobody Warned You About (It Looks Nothing Like You Think)

  Aug 19, 202612 min

  Perfectionism Is Not About Being Perfect Perfectionism is not about being perfect. It's about avoiding the feeling of not being enough. In this episode of Untethering Shame , I answer an anonymous listener who wonders why they procrastinate, abandon projects, and only show up when success feels certain. Therapist to therapist: your therapist is right. This is perfectionism, just not the version most people recognize. It operates through strategic not starting and not finishing. Perfectionism's primary goal was never excellence. Its primary goal is protection. Why Not Finishing Feels Safer A finished thing can be judged. An unfinished thing can't be fully evaluated. An abandoned project is disappointing, but it isn't evidence of your inadequacy. Not finishing is the most elegant escape hatch there is. Ask yourself: Is the obstacle that you don't know how to do it? Or are you not certain you can do it well enough? One is a skills gap . The other is a shame gap . No productivity system in the world closes a shame gap. Perfectionism & Imposter Syndrome These two are intertwined. Perfectionism is the armor. Imposter syndrome is the wound it's protecting. Not finishing is the strategy that keeps both intact. The Cost of Not Finishing Every abandoned project leaves a deposit against your self-trust: "I don't follow through." "I'm all ideas and no execution." Those stories become identity and build new ceilings. Not because you can't, but because you no longer believe you could. Those are not the same thing. What Actually Helps What helps isn't trying harder. It's changing the story about imperfect work. If imperfect output currently means evidence of inadequacy, practice seeing it as evidence of courage. Build that belief through small acts of completion. Teach your nervous system that done is survivable and being seen unfinished is survivable too. The things you're most certain you'll do well are things you've already done. They sit inside your existing range of tolerance, so they are not growth. Perfectionism keeps you safe, competent, unjudged, and not learning. The version of yourself you most want to become is living at the edge. This Conversation Is for You If... You start things and abandon them before anyone sees. You've been "almost ready" for months. You avoid anything you're not sure you'll be great at. You've been called a perfectionist, but nothing gets finished. Resources & Links Liberated Living: Learn more Burnout Quiz: Find your honest starting point Submit a Question Want to submit a question for a future episode? Submit anonymously or with your name. Submit Here Take the Next Step ★ FREE Guide: Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't ★ Free Discovery Call: Book a call ★ Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship

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  Untethering Shame

  Shame & Nervous System Healing: Why It Still Feels Hard (Part 2) with Elizabeth Kipp

  Aug 16, 202640 min

  If I understand my triggers, if I've done the work, why does it still feel so hard? In this episode of Untethering Shame , I sit down with Elizabeth Kipp , Stress Management and Historical Trauma Specialist, Certified Addiction Recovery Coach, Ancestral Clearing Practitioner, and international best-selling author of The Way Through Chronic Pain , for our fourth and final conversation in this series. This one got personal fast. We are not talking about the nervous system in theory anymore. We are talking about what it looks like to live inside it, in real time, with the people who activate us most. Elizabeth gave me a line I wrote down in all caps three separate times: we cannot defend and connect at the same time. The nervous system does not do both, the same way we cannot digest and run at the same time. Which means the moment the other person is in defense, you are never going to feel seen. Not because you failed at asking. Because their system is not available for it. She also named the thing underneath all of it: safety is the directive of the organism. So instead of trying to make a relationship safe, which you cannot control, you help your own nervous system understand it is safe as a separate whole thing, independent of how that conversation goes. Breath first. Then acknowledge what they said before you say your piece. The part I had to sit with is my own. I have started to notice my relationship with shame looks a lot like an addiction. Elizabeth walks us through the four words that pull you back into your heart before any of it starts: patience, kindness, gentle, self-compassion. This conversation is for you if: You have done the work and still get activated by family You keep leaving conversations feeling unseen, no matter how carefully you phrase it You calm yourself down, then get worked up all over again lying in bed that night You are an adult child trying to have a real conversation with a parent who goes straight to defense You catch yourself upset at people for not meeting expectations you never said out loud Connect with Elizabeth: Website Facebook Instagram LinkedIn Ready to take the next step? Download the FREE handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. Stay Connected: Spotify Apple Podcasts YouTube Website

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  Untethering Shame

  ️ Ask Me Anything – E59: The 2am Rehearsal (Why You Know Exactly What to Say and Still Can't Say It)

  Aug 14, 202612 min

  In this episode of Untethering Shame , I answer an anonymous listener who asks: "I have a list of conversations I've been avoiding. With my partner, with a friend, with my boss, some for months, some for years. I know exactly what needs to be said. I can rehearse the whole thing in my head at 2 a.m. and I still can't make myself have them. Why do I keep avoiding conversations that could actually change things for the better? And how do I stop getting in my own way?" Here's what I want you to hear first: avoidance is not cowardice, and it isn't procrastination. It's a nervous system response. Your body made a calculation faster than conscious thought that the risk of this conversation outweighs the cost of not having it. That calculation might be wrong, but it isn't weak. Instead of asking "why am I so bad at this?" ask: "what threat is my nervous system convinced this conversation contains?" The Fears Beneath It Avoidance is often fear of rejection, rupture, causing pain, or making an ending feel real. What Is Silence Costing You? Silence can create distance, resentment, and self-betrayal . Every time you stay silent, you teach yourself that what you need isn't worth the risk of saying it. Preparation vs. Rumination Preparation and rumination are not the same thing. Preparation clarifies what you need to communicate and why. Rumination replays the conversation on a loop and introduces a new variable every time, keeping the conversation permanently unready. It's anxiety wearing the costume of productivity. How to Have the Conversation Lead with intention instead of a script. Go in regulated instead of calm —because those are different things. Name the vulnerability at the start so the other person hears care instead of attack. This Is for You If... You have a mental list of conversations you keep postponing. You rehearse at 2 a.m. and still can't start the real thing. You've been telling yourself "it's not the right time" for months. You want the words, but what you actually need is the capacity to say them. Your Homework Pick one conversation from your list. Not the hardest one. Write down: 1) the single most important thing you need this person to understand, and 2) what you're most afraid will happen if you say it. You don't have to have the conversation this week. You just have to get honest on paper about what's keeping you from it. Comment POD and I'll send it your way. Resources & Links Liberated Living: Learn more Burnout Quiz: Find your honest starting point Submit a Question Submit a question for a future episode anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest. Submit Here Take the Next Step ★ FREE Guide: Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't ★ Free Discovery Call: Book a call ★ Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Responsibility & Authorship Stay Connected Spotify Apple Podcasts YouTube Website

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  Untethering Shame

  Shame & Masculinity: Learning Presence Instead of Performance with Alex

  Aug 9, 202652 min

  Why He Says This Is A Waste Of Time "It's not a character flaw, it's a chemical state." In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Alexander Pujol, a former physician assistant turned performance coach and founder of Quantum Human Performance, to talk about what is actually happening inside a man when he goes cold, shuts down, or tells you the conversation you are trying to have is a waste of his time. Alex has spent eight years working with Division I athletes, ballerinas, golfers, and business owners, and he kept finding the same pattern underneath the performance. The people who managed pressure best did it by staying cold through challenge, and that coldness followed them home. What looks like dismissal in a relationship is often residue from a skill that was rewarded everywhere else. We get into why a conversation without a clear goal can register in the nervous system as a threat, and what happens next when adrenaline and cortisol narrow focus and amplify that threat into anger. Alex is direct about the fact that most men cannot name shame when they are in it. They only find it by working backwards from why they are so angry. He also gets honest about his own life. The burnout four years ago that made him stop. The divorce, and reading a book afterward that finally gave him the word for what he had been doing for years without knowing it. Losing his father and immediately starting a 2,000 square foot build out because grief was easier to replace than feel. And the one question he started asking his partner that changed how he shows up in every relationship since. If there is one idea I want you to carry out of this conversation, it is this: the skill was never installed. Nobody taught these men how to sit with an emotion, so there is nothing to fix, only something to practice. As Alex puts it, what we practice grows. This conversation is for you if... Someone you love goes silent or cold the moment things get hard, and you have started taking it personally You are the one who shuts down, and you have never had language for why You keep hearing "I don't want to talk about it" and you do not know what to do with that You were raised to fix, perform, and protect, and you are realizing that none of that taught you how to feel You are parenting a boy and you want to interrupt the pattern before it sets Connect with Alex Alexander Pujol is a former physician assistant turned performance coach and founder of Quantum Human Performance, where he helps athletes and high performers optimize their mind, body, and emotional resilience. Drawing from neuroscience, breathwork, and his own journey through burnout and recovery, he teaches a holistic approach to self-belief, flow, and sustainable performance. Alex is also the author of Spectrum: A Galvanizing Journey , where he shares the principles behind transforming adversity into growth and purpose. Website: oneqhp.com Instagram: @q.h.p._wellness Facebook: alex.pujol.777 LinkedIn: Alexander Pujol Ready to take the next step? Download the FREE handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day , and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. Stay Connected Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. YouTube: @adversityrising Website: adversityrising.com

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  Untethering Shame

  ️ Ask Me Anything – E58: Having Needs Doesn't Make You Needy (And Why You Were Taught Otherwise)

  Aug 6, 202612 min

  Having a need is not the same as being needy. Those two got conflated so early that for a lot of us they feel identical. They're not. This week's anonymous question: "Every time I try to ask for what I need I either over-explain and justify for twenty minutes, or I say nothing and then explode two weeks later. I was told so many times as a kid that I was too needy that I don't know how to have a need anymore. How do I ask without it being a whole thing?" I break down where the "I'm too much" story comes from, why over-explaining and exploding are the same protection wearing different clothes, and what a clean, direct ask actually sounds like. This is for you if: You justify before you ask You go quiet and blow up later You were called dramatic or too much as a kid Homework: pick one small need. Say it out loud. No preamble, no apology, no justification. Just "I need ____." Your needs are not the problem. They never were. Resources & Links Take the Burnout Quiz: https://adversityrising.com/quiz Liberated Living Program: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Free Guide, Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day: https://adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient Submit a question for a future AMA: https://adversityrising.com/shame-free-qa Book a Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call Connect with Kyira Instagram & TikTok: @adversityrising Website: https://adversityrising.com Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543

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