Your Priority Centered Life
97: Why "Golden Rule" Leadership Doesn't Work (And What Does): A Conversation With R. Karl Hebenstreit
You've probably heard of the Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. R. Karl Hebenstreit, an executive coach and organizational psychologist with over 30 years of experience, explains why that's actually the wrong rule, and what to use instead. Karl has worked with organizations including AT&T, Merck, Genentech, and Kaiser Permanente, and he's the author of Explicit Expectations and The How and Why: Taking Care of Business with the Enneagram . His work focuses on leadership, motivation, and helping capable people stop running themselves into the ground. You Can't Do It Alone Karl explains why the leaders and high performers who try to carry everything themselves eventually burn out, and why the skills that got someone promoted often aren't the skills that help them lead well. Golden Rule, Platinum Rule, Rhodium Rule Treating others the way you want to be treated assumes everyone is the same. Karl walks through why the Platinum Rule (treating others the way they want to be treated) is more effective, and what it looks like to fully integrate that into how you lead and communicate. The Fixer Pattern Karl and Dr. Alise talk about the difference between being responsible and being over-responsible, and how constantly stepping in to help can quietly create learned helplessness in the people you're trying to support. The Swiss Army Knife Metaphor Most of us default to our "main blade," the one part of our personality we rely on most. Karl explains why the other tools are still there, and how to start accessing them instead of assuming your default is the only option you have. Circadian Rhythm and Energy Understanding when you're actually most productive, and how to (realistically) advocate for a schedule that works with your energy instead of against it. Quick Win Think of one thing you've been over-functioning on lately, something you keep doing yourself instead of delegating or asking for help. Ask: is this actually mine to carry, or am I just used to being the one who does it? Find Karl Website: performandfunction.com | LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/RKarlHebenstreit FAQ What's the difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule? The Golden Rule says treat others how you want to be treated. The Platinum Rule says treat others how they want to be treated, which accounts for the fact that people have different needs, preferences, and communication styles. Why do capable, self-aware people still feel stuck? Often because they're comparing themselves to a version of success that isn't actually theirs. Understanding your own patterns, and recognizing you have access to more than just your default style, opens up options that self-criticism simply won't. Resources: Sign up for the weekly Sunday Res et Newsletter Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.
