Where Do Gays Retire Podcast
Retiring as a Single Lesbian in Setúbal, Portugal: Finding Community Beyond Lisbon with Jules de Mello
Retiring as a Single Lesbian in Setúbal, Portugal: Finding Community Beyond Lisbon Guest: Jules de Mello | Host: Mark Goldstein When Jules de Mello retired after a 27-year career as a federal criminal investigator, she went looking for a sunny, walkable place near the water where she could build a full life on her own terms. Lisbon was the plan, until the rents priced her out. Then she discovered Setúbal, a working port city on the cusp of its own renaissance, and never looked back. In this conversation, Jules opens up about what it really takes to retire as a single lesbian abroad: finding her people, and often building community from scratch, navigating a country that is warmly accepting but culturally reserved, and weighing the honest trade-offs of starting over solo in a place where you do not yet speak the language. It is a warm, practical, and refreshingly candid look at one of Portugal's most underrated cities. Meet Jules Jules spent 27 years as a federal criminal investigator across several U.S. agencies before retiring in 2022. With Azorean roots on her great-grandfather's side, Portugal had always called to her. She first scouted the country in 2018, arrived permanently in Setúbal in April 2023, and soon became a self-described "connector," co-founding the Setúbal Pride meetup to bring locals, women, trans, and non-binary folks together in a community that had mostly orbited Lisbon before. In this episode 00:00 Introduction: from federal investigator to Setúbal 04:02 The 2018 trip that planted the seed 06:48 Priced out of Lisbon 09:31 Renting vs. buying in Portugal 13:41 What Setúbal is really like 17:46 Climate and the seasons 24:00 Building queer community and founding Setúbal Pride 29:31 LGBTQ+ acceptance and local culture 33:53 Cost of living: rent and housing 44:55 Utilities, internet, and getting around 48:30 Food, markets, and the daily lunch special 55:16 Walkability and transportation 1:06:06 Healthcare: public, private, and Medicare 1:25:39 Dining, wine, and café culture 1:31:14 Visas and residency 1:39:18 Honest trade-offs and final advice What you'll learn Why Setúbal, and not Lisbon? A medium-sized port city of roughly 140,000 people, Setúbal sits on an estuary with the Arrábida Nature Reserve rising behind it. Jules compares the feel to standing at the water's edge in Seattle, looking back at the hills. Downtown is flat and walkable, the covered market is considered one of the best in Portugal, and you are a short drive or train ride from Lisbon without paying Lisbon prices. What acceptance actually looks like. Portugal is legally progressive, with marriage equality and legal abortion that both predate the United States, but the culture is reserved and private. As Jules puts it, you can show up exactly as you are and be accepted, without anyone needing to label it or make a fuss. Older generations who lived under the dictatorship tend to be more guarded, while younger people simply do not think twice. The reality of building community. Finding the LGBTQ+ community as a single woman took real effort. Jules and a friend started the Setúbal Pride meetup in early 2024, hosting tea dances, potlucks, film nights, and gatherings designed to be diverse and welcoming. Her honest take: lesbians and gay men often socialize differently, and the language and cultural barriers add another layer, so she had to become the initiator rather than wait for community to find her. Walkability with caveats. Downtown is flat, and you can reach the butcher, the market, the pharmacy, and your doctor on foot, supported by a strong local bus system. But the cobblestone calçadas are uneven and tough on anyone with mobility challenges, so comfortable, flat walking shoes are not optional. Healthcare, honestly explained. Once you live in Portugal, you are covered under the public system, and many residents also carry private insurance. The two systems run in parallel and do not really talk to each other. Trauma and emergencies are routed through the public hospital, while private insurance speeds up elective procedures that would otherwise mean long public waitlists. Almost every physician speaks English, though front-desk staff and nurses often do not, so a translation app becomes part of every appointment. A practical snapshot These are the figures Jules shared from her own experience around the time of recording. Treat them as a starting point, not a quote: costs shift with the market, and euro amounts convert to dollars at the current exchange rate. Rent (1 to 2 bedrooms): roughly 700 to 1,200 euros per month, rising toward 1,900 for newer units with modern amenities like a garage and air conditioning. Many traditional apartments come without appliances or a dryer (clothes dry on the line). Internet, phone, and TV bundle: around 50 euros per month for high-speed fiber. Electricity: can climb to about 200 euros in the hottest summer month if you run air conditioning heavily. Electricity and gasoline are both expensive; gas runs roughly 2 euros per liter, which Jules estimates at nearly 10 dollars per gallon. The daily lunch special (prato do dia): about 12 to 13 euros for several courses, often including bread, olives, a main, dessert, coffee, and wine. Private health insurance: roughly 100 euros per month under age 60, climbing to around 200 in your sixties. Only one private insurer in Portugal will enroll people over 70, though existing policyholders are generally kept on. Visas and residency Jules came on the D7 visa , sometimes called the retiree or passive-income visa. Her path: initial approval valid for 2 years, followed by a 3-year renewal, with the option to apply for permanent residency after 5 years of legal residence. She applied through the VFS vendor that handles Portuguese consular appointments in the U.S., interviewed in Washington, D.C., and saw approval in about 60 days, though timelines vary widely by consulate and can stretch to many months if documents expire mid-process. Important accuracy note on citizenship. Jules mentions that the path to Portuguese citizenship was extended from 5 to 10 years. We confirmed this: Portugal's Parliament approved a revised Nationality Law on April 1, 2026, and the President signed it on May 3, 2026, raising the residency requirement for naturalization to ten years for most non-EU nationals and seven years for EU and Portuguese-speaking (CPLP) nationals, with the residency clock now counting from the issuance of your first residence permit. Some details, including the exact effective date upon official publication and how the change applies to people already in the pipeline, were still being settled at the time of recording, and a constitutional challenge had been filed. This is a fast-moving and consequential area, so if citizenship is part of your plan, please confirm the current rules with a qualified Portuguese immigration attorney before making decisions. Permanent residency after five years is a separate process from citizenship. Jules on the honest trade-off The hardest thing she gave up was the ease of finding community. Back home, queer life came with built-in hiking groups, dinner clubs, and shows to attend together. In Setúbal, she had to build that herself, and she has, becoming the bridge-builder her Portuguese choir mates now thank for getting everyone out the door. Her advice for anyone considering the move: visit beyond the vacation version, stay in a real neighborhood, do your own grocery run, and feel what daily life is honestly like before you commit. And, in the spirit of a friend who lives by it, say yes to every invitation. Listen and connect Listen to the full conversation wherever you get your podcasts, and explore more LGBTQ+ retirement destinations at wheredogaysretire.com . Have a question about retiring abroad or a destination you'd like us to cover? Reach out through the website and join the conversation in our Facebook community. https://www.facebook.com/groups/GayRetirementPlaces "This was a wonderful, beautiful place to land. And I like sharing it with other people, because it's that good." — Jules de Mello
